We have all gone on a so­cial me­dia de­tox – even the kids too!

Wicklow People (Arklow) - - NEWS -

THE kids have come up with what they con­sider a bright idea. It’s about as bright as a 10 watt bulb but they don’t seem will­ing to let it go. They have sug­gested that in­stead of me em­bark­ing on an­other diet, health kick, giv­ing up the fags (the box has gone in the fire for pos­si­bly the 57 th time), I should do a so­cial me­dia de­tox.

This made me laugh for a va­ri­ety of rea­sons not least be­cause as they were sug­gest­ing this, they had var­i­ous tech­no­log­i­cal gad­gets glued to their sides. But ac­cord­ing to them, I spend too much time on so­cial me­dia. I didn’t like to cor­rect them and say most of the time I’m on-line shop­ping not on so­cial me­dia, be­cause you know...out of the fry­ing pan and all that.

Firstly I’d like to de­fend my­self and say I don’t think I’m on so­cial me­dia too much. I don’t do twit­ter any­more, I have a look at face­book maybe twice a day and ok, yes I am very keen on In­sta­gram and Pin­ter­est be­cause I like the pic­tures.

But my ex­tremely an­noy­ing chil­dren have taken a stand and said since there’s not a hope of me los­ing weight/giv­ing up al­co­hol, I should do a so­cial me­dia de­tox and spend more qual­ity time with them.

The irony of this! As they’re lecturing me about the perils of so­cial me­dia, their phones are pinging in their pock­ets. Be­tween Snapchat, What­sApp and streaks I can’t keep up with them. And they’re telling me I have a prob­lem!

‘You just think I have a prob­lem be­cause I’m on so­cial me­dia in plain sight of you lot. The two of you are in your bed­rooms furtively snapchat­ting your friends at all hours of the night,’ I tell them in­dig­nantly.

Of course they deny the al­le­ga­tions and still in­sist I put away my phone and iPad for one af­ter­noon to see how it goes. I agree on con­di­tion that they do the same. Reluc­tantly we all pile them into a cor­ner and sit down to watch TV.

Ten min­utes later World War 3 breaks out. The Youngest wants to watch The Simp­sons, The Oldest and his fa­ther want to watch the darts. The men get their way and The Youngest rants about equal­ity for women! Then they turn over to soc­cer which com­pletely tips The Youngest over the edge. ‘This is not fair! This is sex­ism!’ she shouts. She has a point. Af­ter the soc­cer we claim cus­tody of the re­mote con­trol and start watch­ing Danc­ing on Ice, through­out which the men keep up a sar­cas­tic com­men­tary re­gard­ing men in tights etc.

To be hon­est, it’s bloody ex­haust­ing. ‘This qual­ity fam­ily time is over­rated!’ I de­clare. We’re all fit to kill each other at this point. I crave the seren­ity of In­sta­gram and it’s win­dow into other peo­ple’s lives.

The 12-year-old saves the day when she sug­gests we watch Harry Pot­ter… again. Him­self grabs the phones from be­side the couch and throws them at us all. ‘Here! Take them! Je­sus any­thing for a quiet life.’

The Youngest looks at me and winks. That kid is go­ing places!


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