Jamaica Gleaner - - WELL - Dear­doc@glean­

QHi Doc. Is there any way my hus­band could tell that I have been un­faith­ful? I mean, are there any changes in my body which could in­di­cate this?

I am em­bar­rassed to ad­mit to you that I have cheated. It hap­pened when I was feel­ing lonely and rather sad. My hus­band is in the United States work­ing on a con­tract, and he is due back in the is­land next week.

I sup­pose it was be­cause of my lone­li­ness that I took a lover around two months ago. We only did it once. Frankly, he wasn’t very good — I threw him out im­me­di­ately af­ter­wards, and told him I didn’t want to see him any­more!

Doc, I deeply re­gret this. I love my hus­band. I have been ster­ilised, so there is no risk of preg­nancy.

AWell, let us at least be grate­ful for that! The other thing you should con­sider is whether this one-night stand could have given you any in­fec­tion. I am a great be­liever in the prin­ci­ple that if a per­son cheats on their part­ner, he or she should get a check-up from a doc­tor or a clinic.

Now, you ask whether your in­fi­delity could have caused any changes in your body that your hus­band might de­tect when he re­turns. The an­swer is no. Peo­ple of­ten think that adul­tery will some­how cause phys­i­cal al­ter­ations in a wo­man’s body, but that is not the case.

One thing which does oc­ca­sion­ally change af­ter some­one has been un­faith­ful is a per­son’s be­hav­iour in bed. For in­stance, a spouse who has cheated may sud­denly start: Want­ing to do new things which he/she has never done be­fore; Re­act much more pas­sion­ately to sex­ual stim­u­la­tion; Calling out the wrong name in bed! But in view of the fact that your brief act of in­dis­cre­tion was a bit of a dis­as­ter, I doubt if you will be chang­ing your sex­ual be­hav­iour at all.

What you must do now is to take a se­ri­ous look at the state of your mar­riage. You say you love your hus­band, and, there­fore, you should do ev­ery­thing pos­si­ble to

IIIstrengthen the bonds be­tween you two. Also, I would strongly rec­om­mend that he does not go off by him­self on long con­tracts again. I think you should make ev­ery ef­fort to ac­com­pany him next time.

Can men also use vi­bra­tors?

QDoc, could you please an­swer a del­i­cate ques­tion? Can vi­bra­tors be used by men as well as women?

AThe vast ma­jor­ity of the mil­lions of vi­bra­tors that are sold are em­ployed by women. How­ever, they can some­times be use­ful to men, par­tic­u­larly: Men who are hav­ing trou­ble achiev­ing an erec­tion;

IMen who have prob­lems cli­max­ing. They are some­times pre­scribed for spinal in­jury vic­tims who have been paral­ysed be­low the waist, but who still wish to have chil­dren.

For more in­for­ma­tion, Google the words ‘vi­bra­tors for men’ – and you will be of­fered around 750,000 web­sites. But be warned: you may find some of them a lit­tle shock­ing.

IHow well does the IUD work?

QIf I got an IUD, which is what my doc­tor sug­gests, how good would it be in pre­vent­ing preg­nancy?

AWell, the ef­fec­tive­ness of the IUD (coil, loop) is gen­er­ally quoted as around 98 per cent.

What this means is that if 100 women used this method for a year, only around two of them would get preg­nant.

How­ever, here are two im­por­tant points to note: 1. Once you get past the age of 30, your fer­til­ity starts to de­cline a lit­tle. So an IUD user in her 30s or 40s would have less chance of preg­nancy, and there­fore a slightly bet­ter IUD ef­fec­tive­ness rate than 98 per cent. Newer types of med­i­cated IUD tend to be a tri­fle more ef­fec­tive than or­di­nary IUDs. 2.

Could I get in­fected by a ‘hand job’

QI was given a ‘hand job’ by a pro­fes­sional wo­man in Port Royal last week, could that have given me a sex­ual in­fec­tion?

AIt is al­most un­known for man­ual stim­u­la­tion alone to trans­mit a sex­u­ally trans­mit­ted in­fec­tion (STI).

Can oral sex give her an in­fec­tion?

QDoc, I ex­pect you will dis­ap­prove of me, but I am a wo­man who is in show busi­ness, where I have a very suc­cess­ful ca­reer. But the de­mands of my life mean that a lot of men (of­ten rich and in­flu­en­tial ones) think that they are en­ti­tled to ask me for sex­ual ‘favours.’

In fact, I only ever give them oral sex (never full sex). So I am in no dan­ger of get­ting preg­nant.

But now that I know that oral sex can give a wo­man sex­u­ally trans­mit­ted in­fec­tions, I am wor­ried. I do not want to harm my health!

I re­cently read in an Amer­i­can wo­man’s mag­a­zine that there is some way of pro­tect­ing your­self dur­ing oral sex. Is that so? And if so, what should I do?

AWell, I am less than happy at the idea that you feel you have to give sex­ual favours to men. Why not just try telling them no – and see what hap­pens.

How­ever, it is good that at least you are not hav­ing sex with th­ese men. But as you say, oral sex can give you var­i­ous in­fec­tions, no­tably: Ch­lamy­dia Gon­or­rhoea Her­pes Oc­ca­sion­ally syphilis Hu­man pa­pil­loma virus (HPV) and gen­i­tal warts Pos­si­bly HIV, though the risk is rel­a­tively low. Now, as I am sure you know, there are two types of oral sex: cun­nilin­gus and fel­la­tio.

Cun­nilin­gus is the ac­tiv­ity in which the man puts his mouth on the wo­man’s vulva (that is, the open­ing of her vagina). Pretty much all the ex­perts agree that the only way to make this rea­son­ably safe is to use some­thing called a dam or bar­rier dam.

A dam is a rec­tan­gle of soft plas­tic or la­tex. It is usu­ally brightly coloured, and may be pleas­antly scented.

The idea is that the wo­man puts it across the open­ing of her vagina, in­clud­ing her cli­toris — and holds it there with her fin­gers dur­ing oral sex. So the man does ev­ery­thing through the dam. Sur­pris­ingly, this is per­fectly pleas­ant for both par­ties ca­pa­ble of mak­ing the wo­man or­gasm. And the best part is that it is not likely for any germs to get through the dam and cause an in­fec­tion.

Dams have sud­denly be­come very pop­u­lar among sex­u­ally ac­tive women in North Amer­ica and Europe. I re­cently gave a talk on sex to a group of Cana­dian and English med­i­cal stu­dents. There was a pile of ‘sample’ dams on my desk. And by the time I had fin­ished, the fe­male stu­dents had helped them­selves to the lot.

You may be able to buy dams in phar­ma­cies. Al­ter­na­tively, if you type the words ‘buy sex dams’ into your search en­gine, you’ll be of­fered about a half mil­lion sites. Note: some women make sex dams by cut­ting up sur­gi­cal la­tex gloves. If you do this, please en­sure that you make the rec­tan­gle large enough.

Fel­la­tio is the ac­tiv­ity in which the man’s pe­nis is orally stim­u­lated by his part­ner. Please do not try and use sex dams for this! The only sen­si­ble thing is to em­ploy con­doms. Make sure you put the con­dom on your part­ner be­fore you start giv­ing him fel­la­tio. Though this prac­tice may sound a lit­tle bizarre, across the world many ‘ladies of the night’ use it in or­der to pro­tect them­selves from sex­u­ally trans­mit­ted in­fec­tions.


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