Teach your sons how to love

Jamaica Gleaner - - WELLI - STAFF RE­PORTER jody-anne lawrence@glean­erjm.com

WHILE THE love game play­book has mostly tar­geted women, when it comes to purs­ing a woman there are a few words of advice that are per­ti­nent for boys to be taught by their par­ents to guide them in the pursuit of love.

Re­la­tion­ship spe­cial­ist and sex­ol­o­gist Dr Sid­ney McGill sug­gests par­ents en­cour­age their sons to be good lis­ten­ers. This is not only im­por­tant for the early stages of a re­la­tion­ship but through­out. “You need to know her views on life. Is she a fem­i­nist? Is she the woman who would want you to open the door for her or not? What are her re­li­gious views? Be­cause all of this leads to com­pat­i­bil­ity, es­pe­cially when it comes to religion. And if it is con­flict­ing, it might be a sign to stand back.”

He notes that it is also im­por­tant to be a liv­ing ex­am­ple – show them how to treat a woman.

Ac­cord­ing to McGill, “Your son learns best how to treat a woman by watch­ing how you re­late in your in­ter­per­sonal re­la­tion­ships, es­pe­cially with the op­po­site sex, and the mo­ral val­ues you in­ten­tion­ally or in­ad­ver­tently teach him.”

VALUE OF SEX­UAL IN­TI­MACY

Par­ents should also teach their sons the value of sex­ual in­ti­macy and to not rush into it.

“Young men have strong sex drives and tend to mis­take their sex­ual de­sires for gen­uine love. Be­fore hav­ing in­ter­course, the son should find out, ‘what does she re­ally want from me? Does she want to de­velop a last­ing friend­ship or is it just sex that she is after?’ Sex too early into a re­la­tion­ship pre­sents strong emo­tions and puts the re­la­tion­ship on a fast track to­wards long-term com­mit­ment with in­suf­fi­cient in­ti­mate knowl­edge of each other,” adds McGill.

He re­it­er­ated that get­ting to know the per­son as a friend in­stead of a mere sex­ual ob­ject should be the pri­mary ob­ject when pur­su­ing a woman. Ad­mit­tedly, this is eas­ier said than done, thus group dat­ing or en­sur­ing that you go to pub­lic places for dates will help you to not end up into a com­pro­mis­ing po­si­tion too early.

McGill also added that, “Many young women be­gin to think of a long-term re­la­tion­ship once sex be­comes an im­por­tant fea­ture in it and will naively think that there is no other woman in his life.”

AC­CEPT­ING RE­JEC­TION

Par­ents are also to teach their sons when to throw in the towel and ac­cept re­jec­tion. Per­sis­tence is viewed as am­bi­tious as well as know­ing what you want, but some­times it can go too far. Noth­ing is wrong with a man try­ing again after be­ing re­jected, but their comes a point where you should know when to stop.

McGill added that after three tries, it is fine for a man to throw in the towel. If you like her, then you should re­spect her space and wishes. Thus, if she is not in­ter­ested and you have tried up to three times, it is fine to walk away. He added that giv­ing up can be sub­jec­tive to the in­di­vid­u­als in­volved, but you should lis­ten to her.

It is also im­por­tant for par­ents to meet the young woman that their son is dat­ing, even though they may have an ideal of who their son should date. Thus get­ting to know her early and get­ting an idea of the per­son she is, to ad­vise him, is also some­thing that one can do.

Jody-Anne Lawrence

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