In love with a mar­ried woman

Jamaica Gleaner - - ACROSS THE NATION - Email ques­tions to Doc at sat­ur­daylife@glean­ and read more in the ‘Out­look Magazine’ to­mor­row.

QGood morn­ing, Doc. I am a guy of 18, and I have just got in­volved with a mar­ried woman of 28. She is wildly pas­sion­ate and fan­tas­ti­cally good in bed.

I have never met a girl of my own age who is any­thing like her. To give you an ex­am­ple, Doc, she has vi­bra­tors in a cup­board by her bed. And she uses them on both her and me. She knows things that no girl of my age would un­der­stand.

But frankly, I can­not see that there is any way we could ever get mar­ried. Af­ter all, she is 10 years older than I.

How­ever, Doc, it seems to me that she and I could have a won­der­ful re­la­tion­ship for the next year or so. My friends tell me that I am prob­a­bly go­ing to get my­self in trou­ble, but, of course, they are en­vi­ous of me.

What do you think, Doc?

AWell, it may seem nice to you that this lusty lady has taught you so much about sex, how­ever, the word that leaps out at me from your ques­tion is: ‘MAR­RIED.’

Look, she has a hus­band! And he could be an ag­gres­sive and jeal­ous guy. He could have a gun. And if he finds out about your an­tics with his wife, the con­se­quences could be very nasty in­deed.

Young men do quite of­ten have sex­ual re­la­tion­ships with ladies who are 10 years (or more) older than they. To be frank, such re­la­tion­ships can some­times be very ed­u­ca­tional for the guy. And a few of these li­aisons do end up in suc­cess­ful mat­ri­mony.

But to have an af­faire with a mar­ried woman re­ally is ask­ing for trou­ble. Quite apart from moral ques­tions, it is dan­ger­ous.

Has it oc­curred to you that with the high sperm count, which you prob­a­bly have at your age, there has to be a fair chance that you might get this ma­ture lady preg­nant? And what would be her hus­band’s re­ac­tion to be­ing given a ‘jacket’?

I sug­gest that you tell this nice lady good­bye, and get out of this af­faire while your skin is still in­tact!

QPlease give me your fa­therly ad­vice, Doc. Last Tues­day night, I let a boy cli­max over the re­gion of my cli­toris. Will I get preg­nant? Help!

AWell, it is never a good idea to let a guy ejac­u­late any­where near your vulva (which is the open­ing of the vagina). Un­for­tu­nately, the na­ture of men is to try as hard as they can to get their ‘man-fluid’ as near to the vagina as pos­si­ble – and prefer­ably, in­side it.

In your case, you think that the young man cli­maxed over your cli­toris and the ad­join­ing area. That is per­ilously close to get­ting the se­men into the vagina.

So to be hon­est, there has to be a chance that some sperm may have found their way up the vagina, through the cervix, through the womb, and into a Fal­lop­ian tube – where they may have found an ovum (egg) to fer­tilise.

But let us hope that that has not hap­pened. It is too late now for the so­called Morn­ing-Af­ter Pill. So you must just wait and see if your menses ar­rive.

Please, do not let boys do this to you again.

QI have de­cided to get one of those women con­doms from a phar­macy. Would a sin­gle one be enough?

ANo, not if you are go­ing to have sex more than once. You will need a new fe­male con­dom for each oc­ca­sion. For­tu­nately, they are not too ex­pen­sive.

I had sex with a girl in Port Royal four weeks ago. Since then, I have had a pain in my right tes­ti­cle, Doc.

Do you think this is a vene­real dis­ease?

AWell, it may be an in­fec­tion, es­pe­cially if you have any dis­charge from the tip of the pe­nis, but it is pos­si­ble that you have merely twisted your tes­ti­cle. That is quite com­mon in young guys.

What you must do now is to see a doc­tor and have your ‘equip­ment’ checked out. If there is an in­fec­tion, rest as­sured, it can be treated, how­ever, do not de­lay.

QLast month, I had deep pain while hav­ing sex with my boyfriend. I went to a doc­tor, who told me that it was prob­a­bly a cyst on the ovary.

What is a cyst? And will it pre­vent me from hav­ing chil­dren?

ACysts are just lit­tle round swellings filled with fluid. They are ex­tremely com­mon in young women and also in some more ma­ture ones.

The ovary is a com­mon site for cysts, and they may in­deed cause pain dur­ing deep pen­e­tra­tion.

It is likely that the doc­tor is right and that you do have a cyst on the ovary.

But it would be wise to go and get your­self ex­am­ined by a gy­nae­col­o­gist and see what he or she sug­gests should be done next.

QI am a guy of 17, and I have just had the mis­for­tune of be­ing di­ag­nosed with ‘sugar’. Does this mean I will lose my na­ture, Doc?

ANo, it doesn’t. Most di­a­betic guys have happy and ful­filled sex lives.

How­ever, there is no doubt that sex­ual prob­lems are a lit­tle more com­mon among men who have ‘sugar’. In­deed, there are some doc­tors who claim that sex­ual dif­fi­cul­ties are com­moner among women who have di­a­betes than those who don’t – though that is as yet un­proven.

I would say that the odds are that if you keep the di­a­betes well un­der con­trol, you will not run into any dif­fi­cul­ties with your po­tency. But if prob­lems do hap­pen, they can be treated.

QMy fi­ancé and I are des­per­ate to have a baby. My menses are 28 days apart.

I have heard that there is some way of look­ing at the vagi­nal se­cre­tions and telling when is the most fer­tile time. Is this true, Doc­tor?

AFirst thing to say is that if your pe­ri­ods are 28 days apart (from start to start), then you are most likely to ovu­late be­tween 10 and 14 days af­ter the start of men­stru­a­tion.

How­ever, you have heard cor­rectly about how the vagi­nal fluid changes dur­ing the men­strual month.

Sci­en­tists have found that around the time of ovu­la­tion, the vagi­nal juices of­ten be­come more clear, stretchy, and slip­pery. But it of­ten takes an ex­pert eye to de­tect these changes.

QI am a guy of 20 years, and so far, I have never had sex. When I fi­nally do lose my vir­gin­ity, do you think that the lady will be able to tell that I have never done it be­fore?

AWell, there is no way that she could tell for cer­tain, but she might well no­tice that you are in­ex­pe­ri­enced or ner­vous.

Of course, you could just in­form her that this is your first time. Quite a few women ac­tu­ally like ini­ti­at­ing a young guy into sex. Please use con­tra­cep­tion!

QCan a doc­tor tell whether a girl has mas­tur­bated by ex­am­in­ing her?

ANo, it is im­pos­si­ble for a doc­tor to tell this.

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