Jamaica Gleaner - - SEX & RELATIONSHIPS -

SINCE THE re­lease of Bey­oncé’s Sin­gle Ladies (Put A Ring On It) in 2008, women have not been shy about their readi­ness to get mar­ried, and let­ting the men know it. But are they be­ing too for­ward? Should they sit and wait un­til the men are ready? For Dana*, drop­ping hints was a com­plete ne­ces­sity. “I did be­cause we’d been liv­ing to­gether for a while and had two chil­dren and he was very com­fort­able with the sta­tus quo while I wanted mar­riage. He wasn’t against the idea, he just didn’t think it was a pri­or­ity, so I had to make sure he knew it was def­i­nitely a pri­or­ity for me.” Un­like Dana, Mia* did not drop any hints. As a mat­ter of fact, “He wanted to get mar­ried long be­fore I thought of it, but I thought he was pro­mis­cu­ous. It wasn’t un­til I got preg­nant with baby num­ber two that I de­cided to give it a shot and make it of­fi­cial. Ladies, the choice is yours, but if you do, bear in mind the fol­low­ing. Dis­cuss the fu­ture. Talk about grow­ing old to­gether. Do not be afraid to show you’re committed. Bring up things such as chil­dren, your liv­ing ar­range­ment, fi­nance, and life pri­or­i­ties. The more

Icon­fi­dent your part­ner is that he/she will get the “yes,” the sooner you’ll see a ring!

Just ask. If you are con­fi­dent about your re­la­tion­ship, do not be afraid to take mat­ters into your own hands. He may be ‘Mr Shy Guy’, and as such you will have to step up to the plate and let him know you are ready.

Wait. For­get the ar­bi­trary dead­line. You may think your man is mov­ing slow, but he could be sav­ing up for the grand pro­posal or the ex­quis­ite ring you of­ten talk about. Be sure to keep your friends and fam­ily mem­bers in check as they may feel the need to drop notso-sub­tle hints as well, and that could cre­ate un­nec­es­sary pres­sure for your part­ner.

Speak with clar­ity. If you’re ready to take the next step, sim­ply say so. Drop the sar­casm and analo­gies. Your part­ner can­not read your mind. Mar­riage is a very big step in a re­la­tion­ship and the fear of re­jec­tion could be hold­ing him back. While you are not ex­pected to cre­ate jin­gles and sing ev­ery time you see him, you can get cre­ative in shar­ing your thoughts. Let him know how much you love him and that you pic­ture a fu­ture with him in it. Brag about him to your fam­ily and friends.

Ab­so­lutely no ul­ti­ma­tum. While you might feel forced to tell your beau marry or else, don’t. The pos­si­bil­ity of it back­fir­ing is great. An ul­ti­ma­tum is fi­nal and force­ful and may also bring un­nec­es­sary ten­sion that is not con­ducive to getting that ring. The more you em­brace the good rather than the lack of a pro­posal, the bet­ter your re­la­tion­ship will be ... and the sooner you’ll be call­ing each other fi­ancé!

IIII*Names changed to pro­tect their iden­ti­ties

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