WellI

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QDoc­tor, how of­ten should a cou­ple have sex? My wife and I can­not agree on that! I must tell you that we are both 47 years old, born on the same day!

We have been mar­ried for 19 years, and our 20th an­niver­sary is com­ing up. We use to have a lot of sex when we were in our 20s, but I must ad­mit that it is less of­ten now. Still, by my es­ti­mate, we ‘do it’ around twice a week, and some­times more.

Now my wife says that I am not giv­ing her enough! She thinks that at our age we should be do­ing it more. She has it in her head that most cou­ples in their 40s have sex around four times a week. I think that she read this in an Amer­i­can women’s mag­a­zine.

Doc, please tell me which one of us is right.

AThe first thing I must say is that you two must get this dis­pute sorted out as soon as pos­si­ble. At the mo­ment, it may just seem like a friendly dis­agree­ment, but in a year or two, it could eas­ily de­velop into some­thing more un­pleas­ant, and the fi­nal re­sult could even be di­vorce. So please, get this mat­ter fixed as soon as you can.

Now, who is right? Well, the short an­swer is that you are. De­spite what your spouse has read, most cou­ples in their 40s do not have in­ter­course four times for the week. Some do, but most don’t.

Let’s look at the best avail­able fig­ures from the fa­mous Dr Al­fred Kin­sey. Here is a table which shows how of­ten hus­bands have sex at var­i­ous times of life:

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