My wife is stressed

Jamaica Gleaner - - OPINION & COMMENTARY - Email: editor@glean­erjm.com

Q: I need your ad­vice. My wife is go­ing through a very rough time. She is deal­ing with a death on her side of the fam­ily and this is lead­ing to some fight­ing within her fam­ily, which was once close. Now she is stuck in the mid­dle and can­not pick a side, and both sides are against her be­cause they think she is against their side. She is all about fam­ily, and this comes at a hard time be­cause she is com­ing un­der a lot of pres­sure at her job and try­ing to keep up with her vol­un­teer work. This is be­gin­ning to af­fect me also, be­cause I hate to see her like this. I try to talk to her and be there for her, but she only lets me in so much and no more. I do not know if she does not want to bur­den me with her feel­ings or just does not want to share them with me. Should I take her to spend time with her best friend over­seas or have her get help from a pro­fes­sional? I be­lieve she should be talk­ing to me about this. What should I do? A: It is good to re­call that the death of a loved one is one of the most stress­ful events in life. It is at those mo­ments fam­i­lies should bond and help each other. Sadly, too of­ten it is at this time that fam­i­lies ar­gue over triv­ial mat­ters, in­clud­ing the will. You are play­ing an im­por­tant role by be­ing con­cerned for her wel­fare and though she might not ex­press it, she is notic­ing. You are the only good thing go­ing for her be­cause she has many stres­sors, in­clud­ing her ex­tended fam­ily, death of a fam­ily mem­ber and job-re­lated is­sues. Do not add to her stress by want­ing her to open up more to you.

There are some prac­ti­cal things you can do. You can help with her vol­un­teer work. You need to tell those fam­ily mem­bers to back off. Re­mind both sides that they can­not both be right in say­ing your wife is against them. You can­not stand idly by and al­low these per­sons to stress your wife.

In ad­di­tion, you can ask if she wants you to take her over­seas or to ac­com­pany her to see a pro­fes­sional coun­sel­lor. Al­low her to make the choice and con­tinue be­ing sup­port­ive.

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