I des­per­ately want a child

Jamaica Gleaner - - NEWS - Email ques­tions to Doc at sat­ur­daylife@glean­erjm.com and read more in the ‘Out­look Mag­a­zine’ to­mor­row.

Q Doc, I am a 20-year-old fe­male and I am des­per­ate to have a baby, but my part­ner says that he never wants chil­dren.

What can I do? A friend of mine has suggested a pos­si­ble an­swer. She says that when we are ‘fool­ing around’, I should use my hands to bring him to an orgasm. Her idea is that I should dis­creetly col­lect some of his man-fluid in a con­tainer and then go into an­other room and kind of ‘spoon’ it into me.

What do you think, Doc? Would this work?

A It would prob­a­bly work, pro­vid­ing that you did it at the time of the month when you were ovu­lat­ing. There have oc­ca­sion­ally been women who tried this trick with suc­cess. In other words, they be­came preg­nant and had ba­bies.

But it does seem to me that to do this would be un­fair to your part­ner. He does not want to have chil­dren, and you would be de­ceiv­ing him into be­com­ing a baby­fa­ther against his will.

As far as I can see, your plan is not ac­tu­ally il­le­gal. You would not be com­mit­ting a crim­i­nal of­fence, but the young man would jus­ti­fi­ably feel that you had de­ceived him. It is pos­si­ble that he might break off your re­la­tion­ship and, maybe, refuse to sup­port the child.

On the other hand, there is cer­tainly a chance that he might wel­come the child, par­tic­u­larly when he holds a lovely lit­tle baby in his arms! But I don’t think you should count on him feel­ing that way.

Sum­ming up, I think that what you are propos­ing to do is wrong. If you can­not per­suade your man to fa­ther a child in the usual way, then maybe you should end the re­la­tion­ship. You could then look for a guy who does want to have chil­dren with you.

QDoc, is it true that there is now a con­tra­cep­tive gel for guys?

AYes. The idea is that you rub it into your skin and it pre­vents you from pro­duc­ing sperm. But al­though it is be­ing tri­alled in Amer­ica, it is not avail­able in Ja­maica.

QI started tak­ing the Pill last Sun­day. A week later, I had sex with my boyfriend. Was I ‘safe?’ Am I pro­tected against preg­nancy?

AIf you started your first pack of the Pill on the first day of your menses, you were pro­tected from that day on­wards. So ev­ery­thing will be OK.

QDoc­tor, I am fe­male, age 20, and I am con­cerned about my anatomy.

On the In­ter­net, I have read that the cli­toris is nine cen­time­tres long, which I think is around three and a half inches.

Doc, mine is noth­ing like that size! It is just a lit­tle but­ton of a thing. Am I ab­nor­mal?

ARe­lax! When sex ex­perts say that the cli­toris is three and a half inches long, they are in­clud­ing the part which you can­not see. Most of the cli­toris is far be­neath the skin.

The vis­i­ble part of the cli­toris is only about the size of a gungo pea. So you can quit fret­ting.

QIs it pos­si­ble to catch a vene­real dis­ease from a toi­let seat, Doc?

ATech­ni­cally, it would just about be pos­si­ble to catch a sex­u­ally transmitted in­fec­tion from a pub­lic toi­let seat, but such a thing is wildly un­likely.

I must ad­mit that if a per­son who had gon­or­rhoea or chlamy­dia left a drop of germ-con­tain­ing fluid on the seat, and if you some­how touched that drop with your gen­i­tals, then it is just con­ceiv­able that those germs could make their way into your body, through your uri­nary pipe.

But I have never seen such a case. And, in re­al­ity, peo­ple who claim to have caught these in­fec­tions ‘from a toi­let seat’ are usu­ally just try­ing to cover up the fact that they caught the germs through hav­ing sex.

Nev­er­the­less, pub­lic toi­let seats are not very clean things, so it is a good idea to have as lit­tle con­tact with them as pos­si­ble.

I am 19 and am hav­ing a lot of sex with my boyfriend. At present, we are us­ing con­doms, but I would like to try that ‘coil’ thing.

What I do not un­der­stand, Doc, is this: How do they put it in?

AOK, the coil or in­trauter­ine de­vice is small. You could eas­ily hold it in the palm of the hand.

The mak­ers sup­ply it in­side a thing like a nar­row drink­ing straw. The idea is that the doc­tor (or some­times nurse) can in­sert that slim ‘drink­ing straw’ through your cervix and into your womb. Then she pushes the coil out of the ‘straw’ so that it takes up its cor­rect po­si­tion in­side the cav­ity of the womb.

So what gen­er­ally hap­pens when you go and see the doc for a coil-fit­ting is this: She asks you to take off ev­ery­thing be­low the waist and to get on the couch. She then ex­am­ines you in­ter­nally with a gloved hand, mainly to check the size and po­si­tion of the womb. Soon af­ter that, she slips in an in­stru­ment called a ‘specu­lum’. This lets her see your cervix. Then she passes the ‘drink­ing straw’ through the lit­tle hole in the cervix. Fi­nally, she pushes the coil out of the ‘drink­ing straw’ and into the womb. You may well ask: ‘But doesn’t it hurt?’ And the hon­est truth is that it does a bit. So there is cer­tainly a case for hav­ing some aspirin or parac­eta­mol in your bag to take when nec­es­sary.

Also, do not try and drive your­self home after­wards. You may be a lit­tle shaken, so get your boyfriend or a rel­a­tive to drive you. Good luck.

Q Hi, Doc. I’m a guy of al­most 19, and I am wor­ried by the fact that my sem­i­nal fluid changes greatly in ap­pear­ance from one day to an­other. I fear that I may have some dis­ease. You see, Doc, some­times it is thick and lumpy. At other times, it is quite thin and smooth. Is this an in­di­ca­tion of some se­ri­ous in­ter­nal prob­lem?

A No, I re­ally don’t think so. One of the odd things about sem­i­nal fluid is that it does change in ap­pear­ance from time to time with­out any ob­vi­ous rea­son. Some ex­perts think that it be­comes more ‘lumpy’ if you have a mole-cold, or are oth­er­wise un­well. There is quite a sen­si­ble ar­ti­cle about sem­i­nal fluid on the web. Just google ‘Se­men facts’. Al­ter­na­tively, check out the Wikipedia ar­ti­cle ti­tled ‘Se­men’. I am sure you have no need to fret.

QI have menses that last four days, but for a day or two af­ter that, I pro­duce oc­ca­sional bits of dark blood.

Does this mat­ter, Doc? And dur­ing that time, would it be OK for me and my fi­ancé to have sex?

AThis is just ‘old’ blood. In other words, the re­mains of the pe­riod. That’s quite nor­mal.

And, it would be quite OK to have sex at that time, but re­mem­ber that there is a small but def­i­nite chance of preg­nancy in those few days af­ter the bleed­ing stops. So do use con­tra­cep­tion.

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