The Star (Jamaica) - - FRONT PAGE -

Dear Pas­tor, My fa­ther dis­owned me when I was born, but it was my grand­mother who told him not to own me. That is what my mother told me. So I grew up hat­ing my grand­mother on my fa­ther’s side, and I did not like my fa­ther ei­ther.

My fa­ther is of light com­plex­ion and my mother is of dark com­plex­ion. When I was born, my mother said that my fa­ther’s mother told him that I was a jacket be­cause I was too black to be his daugh­ter.

My mother took it very hard. She is a teacher, and some of her friends heard that the man said that I was not his child and her friends laughed at her.

My mother tried with me, and when I was eight, she got mar­ried to an­other man and he treated me like his own. Even when my mother was up­set with me, this man would tell her that that was not the way to grow a child.


One day my mother was talk­ing to friends, but she did not know I was hear­ing. She told them that when she is frus­trated, she takes it out on me, es­pe­cially when she re­mem­bers what my fa­ther did.

I love my mother and my step­fa­ther, too. He is a gentle­man. He has helped my mother in ev­ery way. Some girls have prob­lem with their step-fa­thers. I never have prob­lem with this man.

One Sun­day, I was com­ing from church and my real fa­ther saw me and said that he wanted to talk to me. I walked away and then I stopped and asked him what was it he wanted to talk to me about. He said he wanted to ask me par­don for not tak­ing care of me. I told him that I do not want any­thing from him, but it is nice to know that he has now ac­knowl­edged me as his daugh­ter.

When I told my mother what he said, my mother said that if he had said that to her, she would surely tell him some Ja­maican curse words.

Pas­tor, I am get­ting mar­ried, and I am won­der­ing whether I should in­vite my fa­ther to my wed­ding. My mother said it is up to me. My step­fa­ther said that he should come and eat his heart out. I don’t know what to do. Please help me on what to do.

O.E. Dear O. E., The only fa­ther you have known is your step­fa­ther. You did not give your age, but I sus­pect that you are in your 20s.

Your bi­o­log­i­cal fa­ther em­bar­rassed your mother by not ac­cept­ing pa­ter­nity. I can imag­ine how hard it was to sup­port you on her mea­gre salary.

It must have been a bless­ing when she met an­other man who mar­ried her and helped to raise you.

Why d i d it take your bi­o­log­i­cal fa­ther so long to ac­cept you? He should have done bet­ter. How­ever, as the say­ing goes, it is bet­ter late than never”. Ev­i­dently, you have for­given your fa­ther.

I sug­gest that you in­vite him to your wed­ding, but no men­tion at all should be made of him at the re­cep­tion.

Your mother and your step­fa­ther should re­ceive all the praise. Con­grat­u­la­tions on your wed­ding. I wish you and your gentle­man of many years of to­geth­er­ness. Pas­tor

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