My boyfriend changed when I got preg­nant

The Star (Jamaica) - - FRONT PAGE -

Dear Pas­tor, I need your ad­vice, please. My boyfriend and I have been to­gether for seven years, from high school days. I am now 21 and we have a twom­onth-old baby. I re­ally love him. He takes very good care of me, but he beats me when we ar­gue. He is very ar­ro­gant. He tells me he loves me ev­ery day, but since the birth of our baby, I think he has not re­ally been in­ter­ested in me again. He takes care of me and the baby well, but I have started to see other fe­males, tex­ting him things like “I reach home” and so on.

When I was preg­nant, I found out that he had an­other girl­friend next door to him (we don’t live to­gether). I ad­mit that I pestered him about it for him to tell me the truth, but he al­ways de­nied it. He is cur­rently build­ing his own house and he asked me to give him a bit more time for us to live to­gether. My prob­lem is we ar­gue a lot about fool­ish­ness, but we make up quickly af­ter­wards.

I am con­fused and I won­der if he loves me. He works hard to take care of us. He loves his child, and makes sure she has ev­ery­thing she needs. He tries to give me all I need, too, but since I started to see other fe­males tex­ting him, I have be­come in­se­cure and have lost my trust in him. I know he was speak­ing with an­other girl, but I am not sure if they were in­ti­mate. I never had women prob­lems like that with him be­fore. It all started when I was preg­nant. Do you think he loves me? Pas­tor, I re­ally need your ad­vice. Thanks in ad­vance.

R.S. Dear R.S., It is likely that this man loves you, but it is also likely that he is play­ing around with other girls. And you are mak­ing the sit­u­a­tion worse by ha­rass­ing him about the other girls.

You have gone into his phone, and you have read his text mes­sages and you feel you have am­mu­ni­tion to taunt him and to ha­rass him about these other girls that you be­lieve he is be­ing in­ti­mate with. What is more cru­cial is the fact that you be­lieve that he is not pay­ing you as much at­ten­tion as he did be­fore you be­came preg­nant. Per­haps you have gained some weight and you have not done any­thing to take off the weight peo­ple gen­er­ally call ‘baby fat’.

Please un­der­stand that I am not de­fend­ing this man. I do not know why he is not giv­ing you as much at­ten­tion as be­fore. Per­haps it could be be­cause of the ha­rass­ment that you con­stantly do to him about other women. A wo­man could text a man and say “I reach home safely” and they do not have an in­ti­mate re­la­tion­ship. She could even say “You have been so good to me and I thank you”. And if it is his child’s mother who saw that, she might hit the roof. Why should she hit the roof? She does so be­cause she is silly and in­se­cure. It is not ev­ery­thing that a girl­friend sees in a man’s phone that she should question. She may turn the man off from her. I re­ally mean it! She may run the man away. Lit­tle things may build up into big sep­a­ra­tion.


What I am try­ing to say to you is to work on your­self. Don’t question ev­ery lit­tle thing this man does. Keep your man by show­ing him that you ap­pre­ci­ate him and that you are proud of the way he sup­ports your baby and you. On the other hand, you should not tol­er­ate the abuse from this man. He has no right to be beat­ing you. You say that he is ar­ro­gant. That might be true, but he has to learn to keep his anger un­der con­trol. Per­haps he needs to do a course in anger-man­age­ment. Tell him that you will re­port him to the po­lice if he at­tempts to hit you again.

Hav­ing said the above, I will end by say­ing that this man does not seem to be a bad man. Per­haps he has played around with other women, but I be­lieve he loves you. And I would en­cour­age you to ask him whether both of you can go to see a fam­ily coun­sel­lor and deal with your prob­lems. Make sure that he does not get you preg­nant again un­til both of you are mar­ried. Af­ter your child has grown a lit­tle older, try and get your­self a job.


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