He still won’t marry me

The Star (Jamaica) - - FRONT PAGE -

Dear Pas­tor, I am writ­ing you with tears in my eyes. I don’t know what to do about my re­la­tion­ship. I am 29 and my man is 31.

I have never been mar­ried, nor do I have any chil­dren. My man has two chil­dren with two dif­fer­ent women. He loves his chil­dren and takes good care of them.

He got the first child when he just grad­u­ated from high school. The child was very ill and his mother couldn’t man­age to take care of him, so my man took him.

The other child he got when he was liv­ing with a woman he thought was the love of his life, but, un­for­tu­nately, the re­la­tion­ship ended.

He kept his chil­dren be­cause he didn’t want them to be sep­a­rated from each other.

When I met him, I wasn’t at­tracted to him be­cause I didn’t want any­one with chil­dren or a non-Chris­tian. Long story short, he treated me so well I fell for him.

I am a bap­tised Chris­tian. When we started dat­ing, he promised me he would come to church with me and give his life to God.

It has been two years since and he has only been to church once with me. He works six days a week and he takes Sun­days off.

I al­ways beg him for one hour to go to church with me, but he al­ways says he’s tired or has to wash or spend the day with his chil­dren.

I do love him, Pas­tor, and I know he loves me. He treats me with re­spect, he doesn’t party, drink or smoke and he isn’t a wom­an­iser.

We are al­ways to­gether when I’m not work­ing. We don’t live to­gether be­cause I don’t be­lieve in shack­ing up.

He is al­ways beg­ging me to move in with him, but I only want to do one mov­ing in and that’s with my hus­band. I have the keys to his house, so I come and go as I please.

I want to get mar­ried and I want to do things the right way. He isn’t used to the idea of mar­riage be­cause he wasn’t ex­posed to it in his fam­ily while grow­ing up.

I was, and that has al­ways been my dream. He also wants to have a child with me. I don’t want a child be­fore mar­riage. A few times I have given in and tried to con­ceive, with­out suc­cess.

As much as I don’t want a child be­fore mar­riage, I think some­thing is wrong with me be­cause we tried for about eight months and noth­ing hap­pened.

I some­times think it’s a bless­ing from God be­cause my h e a r t ’ s d e s i r e is to con­ceive af­ter mar­riage.

I broke up with him a few t i mes and we got back to­gether af­ter he promised to go to church again. Pas­tor, he isn’t a bad per­son.

Un­for­tu­nately, be­ing a good per­son isn’t enough to save a per­son’s soul. I re­ally want it to work with him. We are both in good jobs and we are both fi­nan­cially com­fort­able.

I don’t de­pend on him for money or any­thing. Our fam­i­lies get along and love each other, and they want us to get mar­ried and be one.

He keeps say­ing we will get mar­ried soon and I must not worry, but that is just not good enough for me. What should I do, pas­tor? Ini­tials with­held Dear Writer, The de­ci­sion whether to re­main with this man or move on must be strictly yours.

He promised much to you, but he has not kept his prom­ises. If you had not be­lieved him, I am sure you would not have been in­ti­mate with him. It is in­deed sad that he has not kept his word.

Per­haps this man wants to see you get preg­nant be­fore mar­ry­ing you.

As you are aware, there are many men who feel that women have to prove that they can get preg­nant be­fore they marry them. Thank God that not all men think that way.

Again, I say that you will have to make up your own mind whether you are go­ing to al­low this man to use you as he pleases while you hope he would come to church and even­tu­ally marry you.

I sug­gest that you con­tinue to make this prob­lem a mat­ter of prayer. You can­not force him to marry you, but God can over­rule ev­ery­thing.

I t i s not ri ght f or him t o pun­ish you, be­cause that is ex­actly what he is do­ing to you. You don’t de­serve to be pun­ished. You have my prayers. Pas­tor

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