Cer­tain that my neigh­bour’s son is mine

The Star (Jamaica) - - Front Page -

Dear Pas­tor,

I am now 25. When I was 19 and still liv­ing with my grand­mother, there was a woman who was about 30.

She was mar­ried, but she and her hus­band did not have chil­dren. She al­ways liked me and I liked her, too, but I was very shy.

One day around Christ­mas­time, she asked me if I could come to her house and help her put up some cur­tains; I told her yes.

While I was there, this woman told me that she al­ways liked me and I laughed. I told her she had to be care­ful be­cause I would like her back. I was sur­prised when she said she would love that.

She asked me when last I had sex and I just laughed. She held me and she told me she would give me some sex right there and noth­ing would hap­pen be­cause she and her hus­band were try­ing to have a child and noth­ing was hap­pen­ing.

She be­lieved that the prob­lem was with her, so she be­lieved I could not get her preg­nant.

Pas­tor, I tried to leave her house, but she started to un­but­ton my fly and put her hands down there. We had sex at the edge of her bed. Two months af­ter, she told me that she was preg­nant and she be­lieved that I was the fa­ther.

I was scared, but she told me I should not worry be­cause she would not call my name. She said that she and her hus­band had sex two days af­ter we did, so he would think that the child was his, even if I was the fa­ther.

The woman gave birth, and when the child was about one year old, he started to re­sem­ble me. My grand­mother asked me how come, and I told her I did not know.

The woman told me that her hus­band never ques­tioned pa­ter­nity, so I should not make that bother me. She said it would re­main be­tween us.

I don’t have to do a DNA test to find out if that child is mine; I just know that he is my son.

It is both­er­ing me be­cause he is not car­ry­ing my name.

I have a girl­friend and we have two chil­dren to­gether. Some­times I won­der if I should tell her that I fa­thered a child with my neigh­bour.

But I don’t have that kind of courage be­cause she may talk and it may go back to the ears of this woman and her hus­band. My girl­friend has a good job and we are plan­ning to get mar­ried very soon. I would love to know what to do.

This man is sup­port­ing my son as his own but I would love to have this boy un­der my roof. This was not what I had planned to hap­pen to me when I was not even 20. I would love to hear your com­ments.

Ini­tials With­held

Dear Writer,

It is likely that this mar­ried woman ad­mired you and set a trap for you. But you did not run from the chal­lenge; you fell right into her trap and now you feel sure that you are the fa­ther of her son.

The woman knows the truth. Her hus­band will have no ques­tions to ask be­cause he be­lieves that he im­preg­nated his wife.

So he might see him­self as a mighty big cham­pion. Your con­science is both­er­ing you but the woman’s con­science is ev­i­dently not both­er­ing her.

You are plan­ning to get mar­ried and you feel that you should say some­thing to your ex­pected wife about the sus­pi­cions that you might have fa­thered a child. Would you want to de­stroy the good re­la­tion­ship that this woman has with her hus­band?

For self­ish rea­sons, you can press this woman to do a DNA test; she may not agree. You may say that the child de­serves to know who his bi­o­log­i­cal fa­ther is. I will say to you be pa­tient, the time may come when this child will find out the truth.

Leave ev­ery­thing as it is now un­til the child is much older and might be­gin to ask his mother ques­tions if he is in doubt as to who is his bi­o­log­i­cal fa­ther.

I know peo­ple will at­tack me for the po­si­tion I have taken. You don’t have to agree with me; you can do your own thing, but this is where I stand. I am pre­pared to take my blows with those who will dis­agree with me. I am ac­cus­tomed to that.

Pas­tor

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