Be­cause… BOUND­ARIES!


Healthy Woman - - HEALTHY LIFE -

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We’ve all been taught that kind­ness is a virtue, but some­times it morphs into the need for de­rived self-worth from putting the feel­ings and needs of other peo­ple be­fore your own. This of­ten ends up with fam­ily mem­bers in­trud­ing on your per­sonal space, co-work­ers dump­ing ex­tra tasks on your desk or ex-lovers per­pet­u­ally try­ing to be a part of your life. If you want to kick the stressed and burned out life­style to the curb, it’s time to set up bound­aries. Here’s how to start set­ting lim­its for the ac­cept­able and un­ac­cept­able be­hav­iour and find in­trin­sic value in who you are: It starts with re­view­ing your re­la­tion­ships with oth­ers and look­ing at the things that made you feel anger, re­sent­ment, dis­com­fort and frus­tra­tion in the past. Then clearly de­fine in­tel­lec­tual, phys­i­cal, emo­tional and spir­i­tual bound­aries for your friends, fam­ily, col­leagues, strangers and sig­nif­i­cant oth­ers. It helps to cre­ate a ‘Bound­ary Chart’ that high­lights your def­i­ni­tions phys­i­cally so that you can tell if some­one is tres­pass­ing as well as show you the progress you’ve made. If you’re not as­sertive, step one will be all for naught. Cre­at­ing and stat­ing bound­aries is great, but it's the fol­low-through that counts. At first, it can be scary to be di­rect with peo­ple about your bound­aries, so it helps to start small with the lighter is­sues to give you time to grow your as­sertive skill set.


It’s go­ing to take time to cre­ate the habit of as­sertive­ness. It will feel like you’re be­ing rude and may be tempt­ing to stop but re­mem­ber that this means that you value your­self, your needs, and your feel­ings more than the thoughts of oth­ers. It’s about be­ing fair and hon­est with them while main­tain­ing your peace, dig­nity, and self-re­spect.


If you stressed your bound­aries first and made it clear to the other per­son that they've over­stepped them, it is okay to cut them out of your life. Re­mind your­self that no-one has the right to make you feel un­com­fort­able or take away your de­fined per­sonal space from you. They don’t de­ter­mine your worth.

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