Di­a­logue the key to sex­ual in­ti­macy

Lesotho Times - - Health -

FOR­GET fe­male Vi­a­gra, talk­ing to your part­ner is the best way to im­prove your sex life, ex­perts claim.

A new study found that women who took the time to de-stress and com­mu­ni­cate more with their part­ner ex­pe­ri­enced sim­i­lar im­prove­ments to those given a hor­mone treat­ment.

Aus­trian re­searchers an­a­lysed two groups of women suf­fer­ing from sex­ual dys­func­tion — de­fined as arousal prob­lems, the in­abil­ity to or­gasm and/or pain dur­ing sex.

One group was given a nasal spray con­tain­ing oxy­tocin, the so­called “love” hor­mone, the other a placebo nasal spray.

All of the 30 women in the eight­month long study used the spray im­me­di­ately be­fore in­ter­course, the jour­nal Fer­til­ity and Steril­ity re­ports.

They also, to­gether with their part­ners, kept a di­ary and com­pleted a ques­tion­naire to record how their sex lives changed over the course of the treat­ment.

The test sub­jects were women with sex­ual dys­func­tion (To­gether with their part­ners, the women kept a di­ary and used a ques­tion­naire to as­sess how sex­ual func­tion changed for them dur­ing the treat­ment

While women who took oxy­tocin re­ported bet­ter sex­ual ex­pe­ri­ences, a sim­i­lar num­ber tak­ing the placebo also did.

The find­ing led the re­searchers, from Me­duni Vi­enna, to con­clude that sex­ual dys­func­tion in women is not merely a ques­tion of a chem­i­cal hor­mone de­fi­ciency.

In­stead, it is of­ten also “a sign of a lack of com­mu­ni­ca­tion with a part­ner and an ex­pres­sion of ev­ery­day stress”, ex­plained study au­thor Michaela Bay­erle-eder, spe­cial­ist in in­ter­nal medicine and sex­ual medicine.

“Clearly the fact that the women thought more about their sex­u­al­ity — and spoke with their part­ners about sex dur­ing the course of the study in it­self — brought about mea­sur­able im­prove­ments,” she said.

“This there­fore sug­gests it is of­ten only mis­un­der­stand­ings that pre­vent cou­ples from fully ex­press­ing and en­joy­ing their sex­u­al­ity.”

She added: “Sex­ual prob­lems are of­ten caused by the stress of ev­ery­day life rather than any chem­i­cal de­fi­ciency in a woman’s hor­mone bal­ance.

“If sex­ual prob­lems arise, it is there­fore ad­vis­able to seek med­i­cal ad­vice as soon as pos­si­ble to try to track down the cause.”

So what can you do to boost an ail­ing sex life?

From cre­at­ing a sex drawer to ban­ning dull con­ver­sa­tions in the bed­room, there are tricks that can get your re­la­tion­ship back on track.

Rem­i­nisc­ing can be a great way to re­store your sense of sex­ual con­nec­tion.

It can be great to re­mind one an­other of some of your early meet­ings and what at­tracted you to each other in the first place. This can be fun to do with your chil­dren so that they are in­cluded in the pos­i­tive sto­ries of how your re­la­tion­ship be­gan.

When it’s just the two of you alone to­gether, you can rem­i­nisce about your early sex­ual mem­o­ries and take de­light in th­ese. You could even see if there is any­thing you could, or would want to, re­al­is­ti­cally rein­cor­po­rate into your cur­rent love­mak­ing.

Talk about how to say no to sex Many peo­ple find the most dif­fi­cult form of com­mu­ni­ca­tion is say­ing no to sex. This is of­ten not han­dled well due to em­bar­rass­ment on both sides.

If you have a con­ver­sa­tion about how to both deal with the other say­ing no to sex be­fore it oc­curs, then you pre­vent ten­sion.

For ex­am­ple, if you of­fer or ac­cept re­fusal with a hug and small ex­pla­na­tion rather than a metaphor­i­cal push, this stops this from be­com­ing a awk­ward sit­u­a­tion in the fu­ture.

Un­der­stand si­lence to­gether Think about how you deal with si­lence in your re­la­tion­ship.

Do you see it as a bad thing, an “awk­ward si­lence” or is it some­thing you con­sider nat­u­ral and shows you’re com­fort­able to­gether?

We of­ten draw con­clu­sions from si­lences and re­act to them with­out check­ing out what they mean.

Make sure you both feel the same about si­lences and when they oc­cur, per­haps ask your part­ner what they think they mean. It can be use­ful in re­veal­ing what ways you agree and dif­fer in your un­der­stand­ing of si- lences and whether this sur­prises ei­ther of you.

Si­lences can af­fect your mood and un­der­stand­ing with­out you even re­al­is­ing and it is easy for mis­un­der­stand­ings to oc­cur when one of you is more com­fort­able with si­lence than the other.

By talk­ing this through, you can gain valu­able in­for­ma­tion to help you com­mu­ni­cate bet­ter.

Pick the right time to talk If there’s some­thing you want to dis­cuss, pick the right mo­ment for it.

If nec­es­sary, plan the con­ver­sa­tion for a time when you will both be un­hur­ried and know what to ex­pect rather than blurt­ing it out and catch­ing your part­ner off guard.if there’s some­thing you want to dis­cuss, pick the right mo­ment for it.

If nec­es­sary, plan the con­ver­sa­tion for a time when you will both be un­hur­ried and know what to ex­pect rather than blurt­ing it out and catch­ing your part­ner off guard.

Be di­rect Head­line state­ments are much more use­ful and ef­fec­tive than side­ways ap­proaches, which can be mis­un­der­stood. Think about what you want to say and just say it.

For ex­am­ple, say­ing “I would like us to go to my sis­ter’s party on Satur­day” rather than “What were you think­ing of do­ing on Satur­day?” lets your part­ner know what you re­ally want rather than mak­ing it a long guess­ing game.

— Daily Mal

lack of li­bido and or­gasms in women is most likely due to stress and a lack of com­mu­ni­ca­tion with her part­ner.

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