Dialogue the key to sexual intimacy
FORGET female Viagra, talking to your partner is the best way to improve your sex life, experts claim.
A new study found that women who took the time to de-stress and communicate more with their partner experienced similar improvements to those given a hormone treatment.
Austrian researchers analysed two groups of women suffering from sexual dysfunction — defined as arousal problems, the inability to orgasm and/or pain during sex.
One group was given a nasal spray containing oxytocin, the socalled “love” hormone, the other a placebo nasal spray.
All of the 30 women in the eightmonth long study used the spray immediately before intercourse, the journal Fertility and Sterility reports.
They also, together with their partners, kept a diary and completed a questionnaire to record how their sex lives changed over the course of the treatment.
The test subjects were women with sexual dysfunction (Together with their partners, the women kept a diary and used a questionnaire to assess how sexual function changed for them during the treatment
While women who took oxytocin reported better sexual experiences, a similar number taking the placebo also did.
The finding led the researchers, from Meduni Vienna, to conclude that sexual dysfunction in women is not merely a question of a chemical hormone deficiency.
Instead, it is often also “a sign of a lack of communication with a partner and an expression of everyday stress”, explained study author Michaela Bayerle-eder, specialist in internal medicine and sexual medicine.
“Clearly the fact that the women thought more about their sexuality — and spoke with their partners about sex during the course of the study in itself — brought about measurable improvements,” she said.
“This therefore suggests it is often only misunderstandings that prevent couples from fully expressing and enjoying their sexuality.”
She added: “Sexual problems are often caused by the stress of everyday life rather than any chemical deficiency in a woman’s hormone balance.
“If sexual problems arise, it is therefore advisable to seek medical advice as soon as possible to try to track down the cause.”
So what can you do to boost an ailing sex life?
From creating a sex drawer to banning dull conversations in the bedroom, there are tricks that can get your relationship back on track.
Reminiscing can be a great way to restore your sense of sexual connection.
It can be great to remind one another of some of your early meetings and what attracted you to each other in the first place. This can be fun to do with your children so that they are included in the positive stories of how your relationship began.
When it’s just the two of you alone together, you can reminisce about your early sexual memories and take delight in these. You could even see if there is anything you could, or would want to, realistically reincorporate into your current lovemaking.
Talk about how to say no to sex Many people find the most difficult form of communication is saying no to sex. This is often not handled well due to embarrassment on both sides.
If you have a conversation about how to both deal with the other saying no to sex before it occurs, then you prevent tension.
For example, if you offer or accept refusal with a hug and small explanation rather than a metaphorical push, this stops this from becoming a awkward situation in the future.
Understand silence together Think about how you deal with silence in your relationship.
Do you see it as a bad thing, an “awkward silence” or is it something you consider natural and shows you’re comfortable together?
We often draw conclusions from silences and react to them without checking out what they mean.
Make sure you both feel the same about silences and when they occur, perhaps ask your partner what they think they mean. It can be useful in revealing what ways you agree and differ in your understanding of si- lences and whether this surprises either of you.
Silences can affect your mood and understanding without you even realising and it is easy for misunderstandings to occur when one of you is more comfortable with silence than the other.
By talking this through, you can gain valuable information to help you communicate better.
Pick the right time to talk If there’s something you want to discuss, pick the right moment for it.
If necessary, plan the conversation for a time when you will both be unhurried and know what to expect rather than blurting it out and catching your partner off guard.if there’s something you want to discuss, pick the right moment for it.
If necessary, plan the conversation for a time when you will both be unhurried and know what to expect rather than blurting it out and catching your partner off guard.
Be direct Headline statements are much more useful and effective than sideways approaches, which can be misunderstood. Think about what you want to say and just say it.
For example, saying “I would like us to go to my sister’s party on Saturday” rather than “What were you thinking of doing on Saturday?” lets your partner know what you really want rather than making it a long guessing game.
— Daily Mal
lack of libido and orgasms in women is most likely due to stress and a lack of communication with her partner.