Do The Math

CLEO (Malaysia) - - CONTENTS -

The per­ils of dat­ing some­one older or younger.

AGE MAY BE JUST A NUM­BER BUT SOME­TIMES IT DOES MAT­TER, ES­PE­CIALLY IN THE GAME OF LOVE.

Most times, age dif­fer­ence in a re­la­tion­ship makes no dif­fer­ence but there are mo­ments when it can play a big role in how well the re­la­tion­ship works. So if you are dat­ing some­one who is con­sid­er­ably older or younger, here are a few things you need to put some thought into be­cause th­ese will de­ter­mine if your re­la­tion­ship will stand the test of time.

YOUR CUR­RENT AGE

And by cur­rent we mean to­day. Time af­fects re­la­tion­ship in phases and what may have seemed al­right a year ago might not be tol­er­a­ble now and vice versa. If both of you are in your teens or early 20s, a few years in be­tween can im­pact the re­la­tion­ship neg­a­tively. How­ever, if you’re in your 30s or 40s, the age fac­tor doesn’t seem to bother you all that much any­more. But stud­ies show that age in­se­cu­ri­ties resur­face when youyou’rere in your 50s and 60s.

IT’S A TEEN LIFE

Dat­ing some­one older when you’re in your teens is pretty much not worth the time and ef­fort. Most times you’re wast­ing your youth pre­tend­ing to be ma­ture. Not hav­ing the chance to be your­self will take a toll on the re­la­tion­ship be­cause like ev­ery­thing else, your pre­tense will ex­haust it­self. This is when your re­la­tion­ship will start to crum­ble. As for the older one in the re­la­tion­ship, the younger part­ner may seem like quite the catch but only for so long.

EMO­TIONAL MA­TU­RITY

This is your big­gest hur­dle when dat­ing some­one younger or older. A younger part­ner is al­ways more en­thu­si­as­tic, im­pa­tient and rest­less. Some­one older, on the other hand hand, is calmer. It all then de­pends on what you’re look­ing for. And if there is an in­tol­er­ance or lack of un­der­stand­ing ababout each oth­ers’ emo­tional needs and ex­pec­ta­tions, ex­pect a wedge is formed and your re­la­tion­ship has the life span of a loaf of bread.

MU­TUAL IN­TER­ESTS

You have the Rolling Stones on your iPod while your part­ner knows all the words to “Call Me Maybe”. You pre­fer to sleep in, es­pe­cially on week­ends, but your older part­ner is all about wak­ing up early so the day doesn’t go to waste.

And trust us, some­one born in a dif­fer­ent decade – whether it is ear­lier or later than you – will at times have no clue what you’re talk­ing about. Which can be tire­some even­tu­ally, and an­noy­ing at the end of the day.

PLAY UP THAT IN­SE­CU­RITY

Age is prob­a­bly one of man’s big­gest hang-ups. And in a re­la­tion­ship, the older per­son will feel it even more, es­pe­cially when they see their younger coun­ter­part bond­ing with some­one their age. Did they con­nect bet­ter emo­tion­ally be­cause they have the same in­ter­ests and are able to com­mu­ni­cate bet­ter? Mean­while, a younger lover may feel threat­ened by peo­ple who are closer to their older part­ner’s age who can re­late bet­ter to their job and life con­cerns.

EX­CESS BAG­GAGE

When dat­ing some­one older, there may be is­sues like di­vorces, ex-wives, kids and debt. Like it or not, you’ll be part of th­ese ex­cess bag­gage. You may not think much of it in the first place but there comes a time when the bag­gage can get un­bear­able (think spend­ing nights in with a kid when you’re itch­ing to go out or hav­ing to deal with a jeal­ous ex-wife). Ready to deal with it?

DIF­FER­ENT LIFE GOALS

Do you and your part­ner want the same things? Does one of you want lit­tle tykes run­ning around while the other has no in­ten­tion of re­pro­duc­ing in the fu­ture? How about a home? Does one of you want to set­tle down with a shared mort­gage while the other wants to live out of ho­tels and suit­cases at a mo­ment’s no­tice? The de­tails may seem ir­rel­e­vant now but when the time comes, you’ll have to deal with them as a cou­ple. And if you both want dif­fer­ent things? ‘Nuf said.

GROW­ING OLD TO­GETHER

When you’re 30 and your part­ner is 45 it may not seem like a big deal. But what about when you’re 45 and your part­ner is 60? Can you han­dle age­ing at dif­fer­ent lev­els? There is the mat­ter of dis­sim­i­lar en­ergy lev­els, dif­fer­ent points in your ca­reers, abil­ity to carry out cer­tain tasks or ac­tiv­i­ties, or even travel. If you have kids to­gether, is ei­ther one of you pre­pared to take care of them by your­self just in case your part­ner isn’t quite able to?

YOUR DAD IS HOT!

Re­mem­ber that time when you went to a restau­rant and bumped into an ac­quain­tance who later texted to comment how hot your dad is? Prob­lem with that? You were ac­tu­ally with your older boyfriend! Hate how that hap­pens reg­u­larly? Don’t like the com­ments that fam­ily and friends make of your MayDe­cem­ber re­la­tion­ship? If dat­ing some­one out­side your age group both­ers you, then don’t do it. Be­cause, at the end of it, you have to be com­fort­able with each other. If com­ments from oth­ers bother you, then maybe this isn’t for you.

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