David Smiedt tells you how to know your man
Q My husband recently asked how I feel about role-playing sex games. He wants to check in to a hotel, pretend to pick me up in the bar, and proceed to the room. I am not opposed to the idea but I can’t get past the thought that his fantasy is to be with a random woman he meets at a bar, and not me.
But it is you. You are the one he wants to enact this with. This is something both of you will be involved in as equal-loving partners. Try to put your reservations aside and at least try it. If it didn’t work for you for the reasons you’ve outlined, at least you’ve given it a go. If it did, this could open the door to a whole new dimension to your physical relationship.
Q Before I got together with my boyfriend, I loved travelling by myself. I relish the freedom to go where I want and do what I want. When I told my man I’d like to do this again, he was hurt and said he couldn’t understand why I’d want to travel without him. How can I make this situation better?
By addressing his fears. Namely: That it’s not about not wanting to be with him – but wanting time alone, that it’s not that you want to be “single” for a couple of weeks, that your fidelity is assured, and that it’s not a reflection of the state of your relationship or your feelings for him. Rather, the key here is respecting your space – be it emotional or geographical.
Q I went to my boyfriend’s apartment for the first time. The place was really feminine: dried flowers, floral prints, and throw cushions! It didn’t go with the man I love.
He may have inherited the stuff from his mum or he couldn’t be bothered decorating and asked a female friend to help. Perhaps he likes flowers and cushions. Which isn’t a relationship crime. Would you rather have pictures of Rihanna in a tiny bikini, a gym bag that smells, and having to share the one pillow at night? And if you move in together, it will be the ideal time to renegotiate the décor. Chances are, you will be in for a pleasant surprise as he’s not as keen on old lady motif as you may think.
Q Over the past few months, my husband started putting spiritual affirmations on his Facebook feed. When I don’t “like” them, he asks why. I don’t want to say that I find them lame and clichéd. Should I say something?
No. There will be enough cynics and haters out there without his wife jumping on board. It takes some guts to put something in the social media forum about making the world a better place – whether they resonate with you or not. So do this: Just click “like” and move on.
Q My mother was expecting a celebration for their 20th anniversary but my dad couldn’t be bothered. When I asked if she was OK, she said, “That’s how your father is.” Should I say something to my dad?
After 20 years, your parents are clearly doing a lot of things right to raise a sensitive daughter and are still together. But two decades of marriage is worth making an effort for. A semi-joking, “Gee Dad, you could have got her a card or some flowers” will make the point.