QA MEN

David Smiedt tells you how to know your man

CLEO (Malaysia) - - QA MEN -

Q My hus­band re­cently asked how I feel about role-play­ing sex games. He wants to check in to a ho­tel, pre­tend to pick me up in the bar, and pro­ceed to the room. I am not op­posed to the idea but I can’t get past the thought that his fan­tasy is to be with a ran­dom woman he meets at a bar, and not me.

But it is you. You are the one he wants to en­act this with. This is some­thing both of you will be in­volved in as equal-loving part­ners. Try to put your reser­va­tions aside and at least try it. If it didn’t work for you for the rea­sons you’ve out­lined, at least you’ve given it a go. If it did, this could open the door to a whole new di­men­sion to your phys­i­cal re­la­tion­ship.

Q Be­fore I got to­gether with my boyfriend, I loved trav­el­ling by my­self. I rel­ish the freedom to go where I want and do what I want. When I told my man I’d like to do this again, he was hurt and said he couldn’t un­der­stand why I’d want to travel with­out him. How can I make this sit­u­a­tion bet­ter?

By ad­dress­ing his fears. Namely: That it’s not about not want­ing to be with him – but want­ing time alone, that it’s not that you want to be “sin­gle” for a cou­ple of weeks, that your fidelity is as­sured, and that it’s not a re­flec­tion of the state of your re­la­tion­ship or your feel­ings for him. Rather, the key here is re­spect­ing your space – be it emo­tional or ge­o­graph­i­cal.

Q I went to my boyfriend’s apart­ment for the first time. The place was re­ally fem­i­nine: dried flow­ers, flo­ral prints, and throw cush­ions! It didn’t go with the man I love.

He may have in­her­ited the stuff from his mum or he couldn’t be both­ered dec­o­rat­ing and asked a fe­male friend to help. Per­haps he likes flow­ers and cush­ions. Which isn’t a re­la­tion­ship crime. Would you rather have pic­tures of Rihanna in a tiny bikini, a gym bag that smells, and hav­ing to share the one pil­low at night? And if you move in to­gether, it will be the ideal time to rene­go­ti­ate the dé­cor. Chances are, you will be in for a pleas­ant sur­prise as he’s not as keen on old lady mo­tif as you may think.

Q Over the past few months, my hus­band started putting spir­i­tual af­fir­ma­tions on his Face­book feed. When I don’t “like” them, he asks why. I don’t want to say that I find them lame and clichéd. Should I say some­thing?

No. There will be enough cyn­ics and haters out there with­out his wife jumping on board. It takes some guts to put some­thing in the so­cial me­dia fo­rum about mak­ing the world a bet­ter place – whether they res­onate with you or not. So do this: Just click “like” and move on.

Q My mother was ex­pect­ing a cel­e­bra­tion for their 20th an­niver­sary but my dad couldn’t be both­ered. When I asked if she was OK, she said, “That’s how your fa­ther is.” Should I say some­thing to my dad?

Af­ter 20 years, your par­ents are clearly do­ing a lot of things right to raise a sen­si­tive daugh­ter and are still to­gether. But two decades of mar­riage is worth mak­ing an ef­fort for. A semi-jok­ing, “Gee Dad, you could have got her a card or some flow­ers” will make the point.

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