HEART­LINES DEAL­ING WITH HIS EX

CLEO (Malaysia) - - FASHION WORKSHOP -

HOW TO MAIN­TAIN YOUR COOL (AND YOUR PER­FECT HAIRDO) WHEN FAC­ING AN “EX-GIRL­FRIEND SIT­U­A­TION”.

De­spite the oc­ca­sional snide re­mark about the lack of class dis­played by re­al­ity TV stars th­ese days, I don’t – even on a bad day – con­sider my­self a hater. How­ever, when the con­ver­sa­tion turns to mat­ters of my part­ner’s ex-girl­friends (of which there are tech­ni­cally only two), my acid tongue kicks into over­drive, and an out­pour of nasty ad­jec­tives in­evitably en­sues.

As far as my cir­cle of friends goes, ex-hat­ing seems to be per­fectly nor­mal, but for the pur­pose of this ar­ti­cle, we’re go­ing to need more con­crete proof than that. Psy­chol­o­gist Ariella Rosinger says, “The ex is a re­minder of the painful fact that you were not al­ways the only one for your part­ner. More­over, the ex is a re­minder that you may be­come an ex your­self.” Ouch! With this in mind, we’ve com­piled some meth­ods of han­dling six of the most com­mon ex sce­nar­ios (and any “strong feel­ings” to­wards her). To be hon­est, you’re a tad in­tim­i­dated by her and a lit­tle jeal­ous (OK, a lot) of the his­tory she shares with your man. “It can feel threat­en­ing that your part­ner has good mem­o­ries of the pre­vi­ous re­la­tion­ship that don’t in­clude you,” says re­la­tion­ship ther­a­pist Emelie John­son. “But it’s you he’s cho­sen to be with now so make that your fo­cus, rather than the past.”

If you con­tinue to feel both­ered by her very ex­is­tence, Rosinger sug­gests ask­ing your­self: “How can any­one com­pare your spe­cial blend of beauty, strength, sex­u­al­ity and vul­ner­a­bil­i­ties to any other?” Sure, it’s easy to pre­sume he com­pares you to her, but it takes the fo­cus off the won­der­fully unique re­la­tion­ship you share with him right now. Not ev­ery cou­ple will fit per­fectly, and your boyfriend and his for­mer squeeze prob­a­bly learnt this the hard way. “Even when he tells you about her faults, or his hurt, he doesn’t ex­pect you to de­spise her – he just needs your un­der­stand­ing as to what he went through, not your judge­ment to­wards her,” ad­vises Rosinger.

Should you find your­self hav­ing outof-pro­por­tion emo­tions to­wards her, John­son be­lieves it could be

SOURCE: MCAFEE SUR­VEY

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