HEARTLINES DEALING WITH HIS EX
HOW TO MAINTAIN YOUR COOL (AND YOUR PERFECT HAIRDO) WHEN FACING AN “EX-GIRLFRIEND SITUATION”.
Despite the occasional snide remark about the lack of class displayed by reality TV stars these days, I don’t – even on a bad day – consider myself a hater. However, when the conversation turns to matters of my partner’s ex-girlfriends (of which there are technically only two), my acid tongue kicks into overdrive, and an outpour of nasty adjectives inevitably ensues.
As far as my circle of friends goes, ex-hating seems to be perfectly normal, but for the purpose of this article, we’re going to need more concrete proof than that. Psychologist Ariella Rosinger says, “The ex is a reminder of the painful fact that you were not always the only one for your partner. Moreover, the ex is a reminder that you may become an ex yourself.” Ouch! With this in mind, we’ve compiled some methods of handling six of the most common ex scenarios (and any “strong feelings” towards her). To be honest, you’re a tad intimidated by her and a little jealous (OK, a lot) of the history she shares with your man. “It can feel threatening that your partner has good memories of the previous relationship that don’t include you,” says relationship therapist Emelie Johnson. “But it’s you he’s chosen to be with now so make that your focus, rather than the past.”
If you continue to feel bothered by her very existence, Rosinger suggests asking yourself: “How can anyone compare your special blend of beauty, strength, sexuality and vulnerabilities to any other?” Sure, it’s easy to presume he compares you to her, but it takes the focus off the wonderfully unique relationship you share with him right now. Not every couple will fit perfectly, and your boyfriend and his former squeeze probably learnt this the hard way. “Even when he tells you about her faults, or his hurt, he doesn’t expect you to despise her – he just needs your understanding as to what he went through, not your judgement towards her,” advises Rosinger.
Should you find yourself having outof-proportion emotions towards her, Johnson believes it could be
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