Stuff You Can Only Ask

No ques­tion is too em­bar­rass­ing for our ex­perts … so fire away!

CLEO (Malaysia) - - BODY & SOUL -

QI just started dat­ing a guy and my co-work­ers have been very sup­port­ive, ea­ger to hear about the lat­est text ex­change, and gen­er­ous with ad­vice about it. They all gather around my desk and we an­a­lyse ev­ery de­tail. Is it un­healthy for women to be­have this way? A Your new man may prob­a­bly feel a lit­tle vi­o­lated by this be­hav­iour. He be­lieves that your com­mu­ni­ca­tion is pri­vate. It’s lovely to be swept up by a new ro­mance but to share the cor­re­spon­dence with your col­leagues seems to be close to cross­ing the line. If he ever found out, he’d be en­ti­tled to feel an­gry. And to an­swer your ques­tion, no, this is some­thing guys don’t do. Even with their clos­est friends, let alone those we work with. David

Q My boyfriend of two years and I were watch­ing a movie where the cou­ple were des­per­ate to have a baby. I’m watch­ing think­ing, “I can’t re­late to this”, when my boyfriend turns to me and says, “I get where they’re com­ing from, don’t you?” I don’t want kids. Should I fess up or leave it alone? A Now. Right now. I’m not say­ing this is a re­la­tion­ship deal-breaker but you need to be aware that it could be. Af­ter two years, many men un­der­stand­ably start think­ing about the fu­ture. It seems for your part­ner, this in­cludes kids. You need to clar­ify whether he was just swept up in the nar­ra­tive of the film or if he gen­uinely wants to move to that stage in his life. This will be a tough dis­cus­sion but af­ter two years to­gether, you owe him that truth so he can de­cide what he wants go­ing for­ward. David

Q My dad just passed away. My ex was re­ally close to him and he wants to come to the memo­rial. I want my new part­ner there but it could get awk­ward. How do I han­dle this sit­u­a­tion? A As con­sid­er­ate as it is of you to take oth­ers’ feel­ings into ac­count in this sit­u­a­tion, the only feel­ings that mat­ter here are your own. You are deal­ing with an enor­mous loss and sense of grief. Your ex wants to be there to pay his re­spects to you and the rest of your fam­ily. Your part­ner should be man enough to deal with this. David

Q My part­ner seems to al­ways want sex but I would pre­fer if we spent time cud­dling. How can I tell him this? A Cud­dling not only pro­vides sen­sual plea­sure but also a feel­ing of com­fort, se­cu­rity and com­pan­ion­ship that can strengthen the re­la­tion­ship. Don’t be afraid to ask or dis­cuss your needs with him. Some­times ac­tions like sim­ple hugs may be a bet­ter way to com­mu­ni­cate that you want to cud­dle. If your part­ner just fo­cuses only on sex or re­fuses to cud­dle, they might feel un­com­fort­able with phys­i­cal aec­tion or are pos­si­bly hav­ing emo­tional is­sues. Non-sex­ual in­ti­macy of­ten gives you time to talk and find out more about each oth­ers’ feel­ings and emo­tions. Dr. Ed­ward

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