BFF: Best Fren­e­mies For­ever

You love her yet you hate her. Does be­ing jeal­ous of your best friend make you a bad pal?

CLEO (Malaysia) - - YOUR LIFE, YOUR RULES! -

We don’t re­ally talk about it but you’ve def­i­nitely felt hints of jeal­ousy to­wards your best friend at one point or an­other. Maybe you think she has bet­ter hair, or is smarter and fun­nier. And some­times, it can be hard to be happy for her when you don’t seem to be liv­ing it up as well as her. “I ques­tion if I’m a good enough friend when­ever I start to feel jeal­ous about my best friend’s achieve­ments,” says Sally Yeo.

Hu­man Be­hav­iour Psy­chol­o­gists de­fine jeal­ousy as feel­ings of in­ad­e­quacy and fear over some­thing that we could have lost out on – that’s why you get jeal­ous when a friend gets a pro­mo­tion over you. The thing is, it’s OK to oc­ca­sion­ally feel jeal­ous. Like anger and hap­pi­ness, jeal­ousy is a nat­u­ral emo­tion. In fact, a sur­vey con­ducted by psy­chol­o­gist Stan­ley Rachman in­volv­ing col­lege stu­dents found that just about all of them had fleet­ing neg­a­tive thoughts – such as im­pulses to hurl abuse or wish­ing harm on some­one close to them – from time to time. The take­away is that these thoughts are all part of be­ing hu­man.

Go­ing Green How­ever, there’s a dif­fer­ence be­tween thought and deed, and the lat­ter is likely to cause harm. “Some­times, my BFF would lament that my life must be great be­cause I come from a wellto-do fam­ily. She would tell me that I would never need to work hard be­cause my par­ents would pro­vide for me any­way,” says Eugenia Lee. Over time, jeal­ousy can turn into re­sent­ment, and this might lead you to act on your feel­ings. Such neg­a­tive be­hav­iour can re­sult in the ero­sion of your friend­ship.

Toxic Mix If you find yourself con­sumed by jeal­ousy and are putting your friend down just to feel bet­ter, you’re cross­ing the line. It’s only nat­u­ral to com­pare yourself with your BFF, but it’s im­por­tant not to go over­board with envy. A good friend should be sup­port­ive. If you can’t get over your jeal­ousy, then per­haps it may be time for you to reeval­u­ate your friend­ship.

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