Good, The The Bad & The Sex

Ever had sorta ‘meh’ sex? Er, no, us ei­ther.

CLEO (Malaysia) - - SMART REPORT -

Your clothes fall away from your body to re­veal a match­ing set of ex­pen­sive black lin­gerie. Your part­ner gen­tly lays you down on the bed; your bod­ies bathed in can­dle­light re­veal no flaws. You spend a few mo­ments kiss­ing sen­su­ously (this is all you need to get in the mood) and, af­ter about 45 sec­onds of thrust­ing, you throw your head back and have an or­gasm so good it’s likely the earth stopped spin­ning for a sec­ond. In the movies, this is how ev­ery sex­ual en­counter goes. Yeah, about that...

Great Sex­pec­ta­tions

We’re pretty sure ev­ery­one will agree that the re­al­ity of sex is very dif­fer­ent from what Hol­ly­wood would have us be­lieve. For a start, it’s a fact known to all women that the day you wear your one (and only) set of match­ing un­der­wear, you do not get to have sex. When you’re sport­ing your day-be­fore-laun­dry-day baggy beige undies and five-year-old bra? That’s the day you will get laid. So if we know that sex scenes in movies are all smoke and mir­rors, why all the un­re­al­is­tic ex­pec­ta­tions of how our nookie should play out? “Hol­ly­wood, our egos, in­se­cu­ri­ties and even con­ver­sa­tions with friends can con­trib­ute to our high ex­pec­ta­tions of sex,” says sex ther­a­pist Lucy Patar­cic (lu­cid­mind.com.co au). “Erotic fic­tion has con­trib­uted to the is­sue, as has pornog­ra­phy. With alla of its air­brushed im­ages, in­ter­course last­ingl up to 45 min­utes, stunt cocks anda body dou­bles, it def­i­nitely plays a role in both women’s and men’s un­re­al­is­tic ex­pec­ta­tions of sex, and in body im­age too.”

Sex is filled with belts get­ting stuck, sets of teeth knock­ing to­gether

Get­ting Down IRL

Luck­ily for us, the tide of glitch-free sex that we’re pre­sented with is turn­ing. Tune into Lena Dun­ham’s highly praised TV show, Girls, and you will wit­ness un­stylised, uber-real sex scenes com­plete with belly rolls and un­com­fort­able con­ver­sa­tions about pretty much ev­ery­thing from con­doms to the “right hole”. As Dun­ham ad­mit­ted to UK news­pa­per The In­de­pen­dent, “It’s hard for me to write from a place of fan­tasy to see sex as glam­orous.” It’s re­fresh­ing (if not a lit­tle cringe­wor­thy) to be re­minded that a lot of the time sex is filled with belts get­ting stuck, sets of teeth knock­ing to­gether, end­less fid­dling and ad­just­ing, limp dicks and loud fanny farts. “Of­ten be­cause of our ex­pec­ta­tions of what sex should be like, we end up ‘per­form­ing’ sex in­stead of be­ing con­nected and present in the mo­ment,” says Patar­cic. “Sex can be in­cred­i­ble, but

that doesn’t mean there aren’t a mil­lion awk­ward things that can hap­pen too. Re­ally there’s no such thing as ‘nor­mal ’ sex – what may be mind-blow­ing to one in­di­vid­ual or cou­ple may be very vanilla to the next.”

Erotic Dif­fusers

All of the afore­men­tioned mor­ti­fy­ing mo­ments beg the ques­tion – what do we do when some­thing hells awks hap­pens in the bed­room? As is the case with most is­sues in life, it all comes down to com­mu­ni­ca­tion. “Talk to the per­son you’re sleep­ing with about it, go to the shower if you need to, and depend­ing on what it is, laugh it off,” sug­gests Patar­cic. “If it doesn’t bother you then it isn’t go­ing to be a con­cern for him. The more at­ten­tion you bring to it, the more he is go­ing to no­tice.” And tell your friends about it af­ter­wards. Trust us, it will make you all feel much, much bet­ter.

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