Good, The The Bad & The Sex
Ever had sorta ‘meh’ sex? Er, no, us either.
Your clothes fall away from your body to reveal a matching set of expensive black lingerie. Your partner gently lays you down on the bed; your bodies bathed in candlelight reveal no flaws. You spend a few moments kissing sensuously (this is all you need to get in the mood) and, after about 45 seconds of thrusting, you throw your head back and have an orgasm so good it’s likely the earth stopped spinning for a second. In the movies, this is how every sexual encounter goes. Yeah, about that...
We’re pretty sure everyone will agree that the reality of sex is very different from what Hollywood would have us believe. For a start, it’s a fact known to all women that the day you wear your one (and only) set of matching underwear, you do not get to have sex. When you’re sporting your day-before-laundry-day baggy beige undies and five-year-old bra? That’s the day you will get laid. So if we know that sex scenes in movies are all smoke and mirrors, why all the unrealistic expectations of how our nookie should play out? “Hollywood, our egos, insecurities and even conversations with friends can contribute to our high expectations of sex,” says sex therapist Lucy Patarcic (lucidmind.com.co au). “Erotic fiction has contributed to the issue, as has pornography. With alla of its airbrushed images, intercourse lastingl up to 45 minutes, stunt cocks anda body doubles, it definitely plays a role in both women’s and men’s unrealistic expectations of sex, and in body image too.”
Sex is filled with belts getting stuck, sets of teeth knocking together
Getting Down IRL
Luckily for us, the tide of glitch-free sex that we’re presented with is turning. Tune into Lena Dunham’s highly praised TV show, Girls, and you will witness unstylised, uber-real sex scenes complete with belly rolls and uncomfortable conversations about pretty much everything from condoms to the “right hole”. As Dunham admitted to UK newspaper The Independent, “It’s hard for me to write from a place of fantasy to see sex as glamorous.” It’s refreshing (if not a little cringeworthy) to be reminded that a lot of the time sex is filled with belts getting stuck, sets of teeth knocking together, endless fiddling and adjusting, limp dicks and loud fanny farts. “Often because of our expectations of what sex should be like, we end up ‘performing’ sex instead of being connected and present in the moment,” says Patarcic. “Sex can be incredible, but
that doesn’t mean there aren’t a million awkward things that can happen too. Really there’s no such thing as ‘normal ’ sex – what may be mind-blowing to one individual or couple may be very vanilla to the next.”
All of the aforementioned mortifying moments beg the question – what do we do when something hells awks happens in the bedroom? As is the case with most issues in life, it all comes down to communication. “Talk to the person you’re sleeping with about it, go to the shower if you need to, and depending on what it is, laugh it off,” suggests Patarcic. “If it doesn’t bother you then it isn’t going to be a concern for him. The more attention you bring to it, the more he is going to notice.” And tell your friends about it afterwards. Trust us, it will make you all feel much, much better.
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