How to save your mate from drunken dis­as­ters and other life dilem­mas. By Na­dia Sten­nett

CLEO (Malaysia) - - FRONT PAGE -

Six friend­ship dilem­mas solved

Our girl­friends are freakin’ im­por­tant – par­tic­u­larly when we’re fac­ing life’s sticky sit­u­a­tions. Even sci­ence says so. People were asked to stand at the foot of a hill and rate its steep­ness in a study pub­lished in the Jour­nal of Ex­per­i­men­tal So­cial Psy­chol­ogy in 2008. Those with a friend rated the hill as less con­fronting than those who faced it alone. But some sitches do have “ap­proach with cau­tion” writ­ten all over them (like when vodka’s in­volved), so here are a few pointers for sav­ing your friend with mas­cara still in­tact.

The dilemma: It’s girls’ night and you’ve just pol­ished off a bot­tle of wine shar­ing sob sto­ries about your exes. Your bestie’s de­cided she wants to give hers a piece of her mind and is com­pil­ing a nasty text to him…

W e st ?

The save: Do not, un­der any cir­cum­stances, al­low her to hit send. The chances she’ll check her phone in the morn­ing and want to take refuge in Antarc­tica are high. “En­cour­age her to wait be­fore she sends the text,” says psy­chol­o­gist Jac­qui Man­ning. “Tell her to write it down in her Notes app – if she feels like send­ing it in the morn­ing it will still be there.”

The dilemma: Your friend wants to go home with the dodgy guy she just met at the bar. You’re bet­ting that be­tween the vodka so­das and lip­pie on her teeth, her pow­ers of de­ci­sion-mak­ing aren’t ex­actly win­ning…

W e st ?

The save: Beer gog­gles aside, al­co­hol and sex can be a recipe for dan­ger, es­pe­cially with a stranger. “Stay with her no mat­ter what,” says Man­ning. “If she pro­fesses undy­ing love for this guy, grab his num­ber and tell her she can call him in the morn­ing. Pre­pare for her to ar­gue, and don’t take it per­son­ally. She can thank you to­mor­row.”

The dilemma: You’re leav­ing the club af­ter a wild night when some girl shoves your friend to make her way in­side. Your friend’s gone all Azealia Banks and wants to take her on…

W e st ?

The save: Un­less you fancy yourself as a ring­mas­ter, get­ting out of this sit­u­a­tion at light speed is a must. Any dis­trac­tion, like tak­ing a brisk walk around the block or a trip to the ke­bab joint, will al­low her time to calm down. “In sit­u­a­tions like this, it’s not worth it even if you’re in the right. Ask your­selves, do you want to be right or do you want to be safe? Just walk away,” cau­tions Man­ning.

Beer gog­gles aside, al­co­hol and sex can be

a recipe for dan­ger

The dilemma: Your pal ’s ap­plied for a dozen jobs and has heard noth­ing back. She’s ab­so­lutely devo and con­vinced she’ll be un­em­ployed for­ever...

W e st ?

The save: Job hunt­ing can be bru­tal. Putting yourself out there only to face count­less re­jec­tions is tough, so she’ll need your pa­tience while she has a pity party. “She’ll be feel­ing re­ally down on her­self, so try to cheer her up by tak­ing her out or do­ing some­thing fun,” rec­om­mends Man­ning.

The dilemma: Your friend’s just found out her boy has cheated on her. She still loves him but is wor­ried about what ev­ery­one will think if she stays with him…

W e st ?

The save: Mak­ing the wrong de­ci­sion could leave her wounded, but avoid the temp­ta­tion to make the choice for her. “It’s for her to de­cide if this is a deal-breaker or not. For many it will be. Some can make it through in­fi­delity, but not with­out a lot of work, trust-build­ing and hon­esty,” em­pha­sises Man­ning.

The dilemma: Your friend has asked to bor­row a huge sum of cash. She’s flat broke, has maxed out her credit cards and is headed for fi­nan­cial sui­cide…

W e st ?

The save: Money is­sues can be re­la­tion­ship de­stroy­ing, and the last thing you want to do is help her get deeper in debt with yet an­other loan. In­stead, tell her you’re strapped too, but you would love to help her find some sup­port or ad­vice. “Tell her to make an ap­point­ment with a free fi­nan­cial coun­sel­lor – check with Life­line and sim­i­lar char­i­ties. You’re not there to res­cue her, but point her in the right di­rec­tion so she can get sorted,” says Man­ning.

As gor­geous as he is, don’t let your friend hook-up with a guy

from the bar.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Malaysia

© PressReader. All rights reserved.