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LOSE MR WRONG NAIL MR RIGHT What he’s think­ing dur­ing sex with you

The hunt for Mr Right in­evitably means com­pro­mise, but there are some guys who are just plain bad news.

The Jeal­ous Guy

Part­ners who have been taken over by the green-eyed mon­ster of­ten try to ma­nip­u­late and con­trol their sig­nif­i­cant other. This is ex­actly what hap­pened to Natalie, 28. When she met her ex-hus­band, he seemed like a nice guy, but it wasn’t long be­fore his en­vi­ous na­ture reared its ugly head. “He cut me off from my friends and would get ag­gres­sive if men spoke to me,” Natalie says. “I wasn’t even al­lowed to wear cer­tain clothes or colours.”

WHAT TO DO: “It’s never okay to be con­trolled by your part­ner. His tac­tics are just an­other form of emo­tional abuse,” ex­plains psy­chol­o­gist and life coach Miriam Henke (miri­amhenke. com). This type of per­son can be hard to spot if their true colours aren’t ini­tially re­vealed. The warn­ing signs to keep your eye out for is if he feels threat­ened by your in­ter­ac­tion with other peo­ple, ob­ses­sively ques­tions your where­abouts, and tries to con­trol who you see.

The Bro

Jo, 26, re­alised her ex pre­ferred time with his pals over hang­ing with her. “Ev­ery Fri­day night, he would be out with them, but I only saw him twice dur­ing the week and on Sun­days, when he’d be half asleep from the night be­fore. I felt like I was al­ways last in the re­la­tion­ship.”

WHAT TO DO: “The ‘bro’ is at ease with men, so hang­ing out with his friends is where he spends most of his free time,” says Henke. She sug­gests to be­come part of his so­cial cir­cle. If join­ing isn’t an op­tion, it might be time to leave.

The Critic

He points out your flaws, and all of his crit­i­cisms will lead any woman dat­ing him to feel like her self-es­teem is un­der as­sault. Grace, 22, broke it off with her boyfriend af­ter his com­ments ac­tu­ally left her feel­ing worth­less. “He would make un­der­handed com­pli­ments like, ‘That dress is pretty; it would look bet­ter if you were skin­nier.’ He would call me ugly and say he was the best I could do.” Thank­fully, her best friend and mum in­ter­vened, and Grace got out of there.

WHAT TO DO: “If this guy is reg­u­larly putting you down, that’s emo­tional abuse,” Henke con­firms. “By low­er­ing your self-es­teem, this guy feels more pow­er­ful. Stand up for your­self to let him know you will not tol­er­ate emo­tional abuse. And if he does it again, walk away.”

The Gym Junkie

Want­ing to be healthy is a pos­i­tive thing, but it can some­times be taken too far, as Leanne, 27, found out when her ex-boyfriend be­came ob­sessed with CrossFit. “He would also be so strict with his bed­times that sex had to fit into th­ese times.”

WHAT TO DO: “Ex­er­cise and good nu­tri­tion is one thing, but hav­ing an ad­dic­tion to the gym is an­other,” Henke says. “The gym junkie might look good, but he’s ob­sessed with him­self and doesn’t leave room for you. Un­less you’re happy to be low on some­one’s pri­or­ity list, avoid this type at all costs.”

The Ad­dict

Lau­ren, 23, found out the hard way that the guy she’d been dat­ing was an ice ad­dict. “I sus­pected he’d had ex­pe­ri­ence with drugs, but it wasn’t un­til I found sev­eral ice pipes that I re­alised how deep into it he was,” she says. “At first, he was such great com­pany, but as his drug use got heav­ier, he’d get crazy moody and para­noid. It be­came un­healthy.”

WHAT TO DO: The eas­i­est way to recog­nise an ad­dict is their al­co­holand/or drug-tak­ing be­hav­iour, and whether that causes prob­lems in their life – work, fam­ily and friends. Don’t think your love is enough to change them, as they’re deal­ing with a se­ri­ous ill­ness. “Ad­dic­tions are dif­fi­cult to treat, even by trained pro­fes­sion­als,” says Henke. “It’s bet­ter to not ig­nore the warn­ing signs. Too many women try to ‘fix’ or ‘heal ’ an ad­dict, only caus­ing them­selves a lot of heartache.”

Not-so-great guys aside, keep your eye on the dat­ing hori­zon ... You never know who you’ll find.

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