WHAT’S YOUR Love Lan­guage?

When Jes­sica Martin starts speak­ing in gift-giv­ing, she knows she’s fall­ing deep.

CLEO (Malaysia) - - YOUR LIFE, YOUR RULES! -

Things. And stuff. That’s how I know I’m start­ing to re­ally dig some­one I’ve been hang­ing out with. Oh, you seem con­fused? Sorry, I mean I buy things and stuff for the afore­men­tioned ob­ject of my at­ten­tion. Some­times it hasn’t re­ally dawned on me that I want some­one to be my some­one un­til I find my­self wan­der­ing around the shops think­ing, “oh that book/ cologne/crys­tal (true story) would be per­fect for [that dude I’m think­ing about]. Let me pull out my debit card and … crap – I like him, don’t I?” Ac­cord­ing to re­la­tion­ship coun­sel­lor and au­thor of The 5 Love Lan­guages se­ries Dr Gary Chapman, re­ceiv­ing and giv­ing gifts is one of the – you guessed it – five lan­guages of love (the oth­ers: Words of af­fir­ma­tion, acts of ser­vice, qual­ity time and phys­i­cal touch). I first heard about Chapman’s the­ory back in my uni days study­ing psy­chol­ogy and out of the eleventy mil­lion other things I was taught there, this was one thing that ac­tu­ally stuck in my very eas­ily dis­tracted brain. It’s es­pe­cially at the front of mind when some­one I’m see­ing speaks a to­tally dif­fer­ent love lan­guage to me, and I mo­men­tar­ily for­get that not ev­ery­one ex­presses them­selves the way I do. (What? Peo­ple have their own per­son­al­i­ties?)

You see, one per­son’s gift giv­ing can be an­other’s act of ser­vice or de­sire to be phys­i­cally close to some­one. Your kind word or lit­tle love note can be the same as their walk down to the café for take­away coffee for your hun­gover arse; your pick­ing them up from a drunken boys’ night can be their re­heat­ing some left­overs (aka cook­ing you din­ner). It’s an in­ter­est­ing way to look at how we ex­press feel­ings of love, par­tic­u­larly when your lan­guages don’t match up well and you start think­ing they’re just not that into you. You could ask them to take the test at 5love­lan­guages.com or you could check out this list of the lit­tle things peo­ple do when they’ve fallen hard.

In­sta­gram was in­vented by some­one who wanted to know what their crush was do­ing. Just delete the screen­shots you’ve sent your friend, lest your boy comes across them.

You’ll use any ex­cuse to ut­ter their name aloud. “Oh, you’re hav­ing Ja­panese for din­ner? Mark re­ally likes Ja­panese. I know be­cause he In­sta­grammed some gy­oza last week. He’s re­ally cool like that, Mark. Yeah, Mark.”

When you’ve stopped say­ing their name 1,000 times a day, you’ll find your­self talk­ing like them. ‘100 per cent’, ‘dope’, ‘let’s roll’, plus phrases that have never passed your lips will now be­come part of your ver­nac­u­lar.

Do you want a 10-minute hug with that glass I just ca­su­ally handed you from the dish­washer? No? Oh, no wor­ries. But can I keep the glass? And that re­mote you were just hold­ing?

They’ll be across ev­ery­thing you find re­motely in­ter­est­ing, any song you love or cat video you’re laugh­ing at. Why? Be­cause you’ve linked it, and 500 other things, to them dur­ing the day.

No sooner have the words ‘My feet are cold’ left their mouth that you’re hand­ing them a pair of thick, cosy socks or a warm blan­ket. You wouldn’t want them to be un­com­fort­able now, right? No way.

I was once nick­named The De­tec­tive be­cause I ask so many ques­tions. Sorry, but I want to know ev­ery­thing about you, dude. Who was your first girl­friend? Do you like cats? I to­tally love you.

“Does Mark need a pair of socks?”

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