WHAT’S YOUR Love Language?
When Jessica Martin starts speaking in gift-giving, she knows she’s falling deep.
Things. And stuff. That’s how I know I’m starting to really dig someone I’ve been hanging out with. Oh, you seem confused? Sorry, I mean I buy things and stuff for the aforementioned object of my attention. Sometimes it hasn’t really dawned on me that I want someone to be my someone until I find myself wandering around the shops thinking, “oh that book/ cologne/crystal (true story) would be perfect for [that dude I’m thinking about]. Let me pull out my debit card and … crap – I like him, don’t I?” According to relationship counsellor and author of The 5 Love Languages series Dr Gary Chapman, receiving and giving gifts is one of the – you guessed it – five languages of love (the others: Words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time and physical touch). I first heard about Chapman’s theory back in my uni days studying psychology and out of the eleventy million other things I was taught there, this was one thing that actually stuck in my very easily distracted brain. It’s especially at the front of mind when someone I’m seeing speaks a totally different love language to me, and I momentarily forget that not everyone expresses themselves the way I do. (What? People have their own personalities?)
You see, one person’s gift giving can be another’s act of service or desire to be physically close to someone. Your kind word or little love note can be the same as their walk down to the café for takeaway coffee for your hungover arse; your picking them up from a drunken boys’ night can be their reheating some leftovers (aka cooking you dinner). It’s an interesting way to look at how we express feelings of love, particularly when your languages don’t match up well and you start thinking they’re just not that into you. You could ask them to take the test at 5lovelanguages.com or you could check out this list of the little things people do when they’ve fallen hard.
Instagram was invented by someone who wanted to know what their crush was doing. Just delete the screenshots you’ve sent your friend, lest your boy comes across them.
You’ll use any excuse to utter their name aloud. “Oh, you’re having Japanese for dinner? Mark really likes Japanese. I know because he Instagrammed some gyoza last week. He’s really cool like that, Mark. Yeah, Mark.”
When you’ve stopped saying their name 1,000 times a day, you’ll find yourself talking like them. ‘100 per cent’, ‘dope’, ‘let’s roll’, plus phrases that have never passed your lips will now become part of your vernacular.
Do you want a 10-minute hug with that glass I just casually handed you from the dishwasher? No? Oh, no worries. But can I keep the glass? And that remote you were just holding?
They’ll be across everything you find remotely interesting, any song you love or cat video you’re laughing at. Why? Because you’ve linked it, and 500 other things, to them during the day.
No sooner have the words ‘My feet are cold’ left their mouth that you’re handing them a pair of thick, cosy socks or a warm blanket. You wouldn’t want them to be uncomfortable now, right? No way.
I was once nicknamed The Detective because I ask so many questions. Sorry, but I want to know everything about you, dude. Who was your first girlfriend? Do you like cats? I totally love you.
“Does Mark need a pair of socks?”