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CLEO (Malaysia) - - YOUR LIFE, YOUR RULES! -

ou have amaz­ing sex five times a week, right? You’re al­ways in the mood for it – keen to get down and dirty when­ever your man gives you so much as a side­ways glance. Or maybe not.

The truth is, some­times, you don’t want to do the hor­i­zon­tal dance of love. Some­times, you may not want sex for a few days, a cou­ple of weeks or per­haps even longer. The fact is, about 40 per cent of women ex­pe­ri­ence low li­bido – the lack of sex­ual drive – at some point in their lives, for rea­sons as var­ied and com­plex as women them­selves. The key to deal­ing with it? Know­ing the cause. up at the door to­mor­row, ask­ing for our hands in mar­riage. Sex­ol­o­gist and re­la­tion­ship ex­pert Dr Nikki Gold­stein agrees that your energy and stress lev­els have a huge im­pact on your sex life: “If you’re stressed or ex­hausted, the last thing you’ll want to do when you get home is have sex.”

26-year-old Ka­rina re­cently ex­pe­ri­enced this while she was trav­el­ling a lot for her job. “I love my boyfriend, but I was so tired that even the thought of hav­ing sex was an ef­fort.” If you find your­self in this sit­u­a­tion, Gold­stein sug­gests that you take it easy: “It’s okay if you aren’t feel­ing sex­ual ev­ery so of­ten. Give your­self a break and think, ‘This month, I’m on dead­line or I’m re­ally stressed out – I’m go­ing to ac­cept that my de­sire is not there; it’s af­fected be­cause of what’s hap­pen­ing in my life at the mo­ment.’”

If you don’t think stress is the prob­lem, and you haven’t wanted sex in a while, chat with your doc­tor about any med­i­ca­tion you’re tak­ing, as some con­tra­cep­tive pills and an­tide­pres­sants can have an ad­verse ef­fect on your sex drive. Ex­pe­ri­enc­ing pain or dis­com­fort dur­ing sex is also a com­mon rea­son why women don’t want to en­gage in sex­ual ac­tiv­ity. Again, your best op­tion is to talk to your doc­tor if this is hap­pen­ing. happy to mas­tur­bate or you de­sire sex with some­one else, there’s noth­ing wrong with your li­bido, but there could be some­thing wrong with your re­la­tion­ship or qual­ity of sex you’re hav­ing,” spec­u­lates King.

Gold­stein agrees: “Prob­lems in a re­la­tion­ship can trans­fer into sex­ual bore­dom. In this case, it’s best to sit down, and have a con­ver­sa­tion with your part­ner so you can both check in and try work through any is­sues. The key to a good re­la­tion­ship is com­mu­ni­ca­tion!” Thank­fully, a low li­bido doesn’t mean the end of our sex lives. “We think sex should hap­pen spon­ta­neously,” says King, “but great sex is ac­tu­ally cre­ated.” Yup, this means sched­ul­ing reg­u­lar hor­i­zon­tal ac­tion. King ad­vises: “If you want to go to the movies with a friend, you don’t just ran­domly find your­self at a cinema. You ring them, make a date, or­gan­ise a time, and drive there. It’s the same with sex. Set aside some time for your part­ner, and then see what hap­pens nat­u­rally.” After her job qui­etened down, Ka­rina or­gan­ised din­ner with her boyfriend. “I came home with wine, and we spent some time talk­ing and re­con­nect­ing. I let him know how I was feel­ing, so he un­der­stood that me not want­ing sex had noth­ing to do with him. It was good to get it off my chest, and in my own mind, I’d sched­uled time for sex so I was more pre­pared to do it. And, yes, we did do it that night … and the night after that!”

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