ou have amazing sex five times a week, right? You’re always in the mood for it – keen to get down and dirty whenever your man gives you so much as a sideways glance. Or maybe not.
The truth is, sometimes, you don’t want to do the horizontal dance of love. Sometimes, you may not want sex for a few days, a couple of weeks or perhaps even longer. The fact is, about 40 per cent of women experience low libido – the lack of sexual drive – at some point in their lives, for reasons as varied and complex as women themselves. The key to dealing with it? Knowing the cause. up at the door tomorrow, asking for our hands in marriage. Sexologist and relationship expert Dr Nikki Goldstein agrees that your energy and stress levels have a huge impact on your sex life: “If you’re stressed or exhausted, the last thing you’ll want to do when you get home is have sex.”
26-year-old Karina recently experienced this while she was travelling a lot for her job. “I love my boyfriend, but I was so tired that even the thought of having sex was an effort.” If you find yourself in this situation, Goldstein suggests that you take it easy: “It’s okay if you aren’t feeling sexual every so often. Give yourself a break and think, ‘This month, I’m on deadline or I’m really stressed out – I’m going to accept that my desire is not there; it’s affected because of what’s happening in my life at the moment.’”
If you don’t think stress is the problem, and you haven’t wanted sex in a while, chat with your doctor about any medication you’re taking, as some contraceptive pills and antidepressants can have an adverse effect on your sex drive. Experiencing pain or discomfort during sex is also a common reason why women don’t want to engage in sexual activity. Again, your best option is to talk to your doctor if this is happening. happy to masturbate or you desire sex with someone else, there’s nothing wrong with your libido, but there could be something wrong with your relationship or quality of sex you’re having,” speculates King.
Goldstein agrees: “Problems in a relationship can transfer into sexual boredom. In this case, it’s best to sit down, and have a conversation with your partner so you can both check in and try work through any issues. The key to a good relationship is communication!” Thankfully, a low libido doesn’t mean the end of our sex lives. “We think sex should happen spontaneously,” says King, “but great sex is actually created.” Yup, this means scheduling regular horizontal action. King advises: “If you want to go to the movies with a friend, you don’t just randomly find yourself at a cinema. You ring them, make a date, organise a time, and drive there. It’s the same with sex. Set aside some time for your partner, and then see what happens naturally.” After her job quietened down, Karina organised dinner with her boyfriend. “I came home with wine, and we spent some time talking and reconnecting. I let him know how I was feeling, so he understood that me not wanting sex had nothing to do with him. It was good to get it off my chest, and in my own mind, I’d scheduled time for sex so I was more prepared to do it. And, yes, we did do it that night … and the night after that!”