why only me ?

Grandma’s sweetie turns into a brat when he’s with you? These may be the rea­sons.

Herworld (Malaysia) - - HER STORY -

Strange but true: your tod­dler mis­be­haves only with you. That’s be­cause oth­ers have sev­eral ad­van­tages.

For starters, there is the nov­elty fac­tor. The rel­a­tive un­fa­mil­iar­ity of an­other per­son can have a very sta­bil­is­ing ef­fect on a two-yearold’s be­hav­iour.

For ex­am­ple, if your friend cared for your child ev­ery day, his ex­cite­ment at be­ing with her would soon wear off. You can be sure he’ll mis­be­have with her oc­ca­sion­ally, as well.

Se­condly, time is a fac­tor. Un­like oth­ers, you can’t hand him back af­ter a few hours. They also don’t spend the whole day with your kid, deal­ing with ev­ery chal­lenge he meets and en­sur­ing that his sched­ule runs ac­cord­ing to plan.

Fi­nally, oth­ers may be able to pro­vide a broader range of ac­tiv­i­ties in an en­vi­ron­ment that also has more so­cial op­por­tu­ni­ties. That’s one rea­son your tot is bet­ter be­haved at preschool than he is at home.

If his be­hav­iour is al­ways dif­fer­ent with you, and if it con­cerns you, con­sider if you need to change the way you man­age him. Ask your­self these ques­tions:

DO I EX­PECT TOO MUCH OF HIM?

If you do, it’s likely that he’ll fail to meet your ex­pec­ta­tions. Think about the stan­dard of be­hav­iour you want him to meet. It may be un­re­al­is­tic, for ex­am­ple, to ex­pect him to sit qui­etly for an hour and play on his own, or for him to fin­ish his meal quickly with­out mess­ing with his food.

DO I AL­LOW MY RULES TO BE FLEX­I­BLE?

Of course, you need clear lim­its on his be­hav­iour – these guide­lines help him learn to think about him­self and oth­ers. But flex­i­bil­ity can be use­ful, for in­stance, when he is tired or feel­ing un­well. Don’t be afraid to bend the rules oc­ca­sion­ally, par­tic­u­larly when you are on a fam­ily out­ing.

DO I USE MORE RE­WARD THAN PUN­ISH­MENT?

Al­though pun­ish­ment can be ap­pro­pri­ate at times when your tod­dler mis­be­haves, try to use re­wards more fre­quently. Pun­ish­ments fo­cus on things your tot did wrong, whereas re­wards point to what he did right. So, learn to bal­ance both.

DO I GIVE HIM ENOUGH AT­TEN­TION?

Chil­dren thrive on it, and if your kid thinks that he doesn’t get enough at­ten­tion from you, he may re­sort to mis­be­haviour. As far as he is con­cerned, neg­a­tive at­ten­tion is bet­ter than no at­ten­tion at all. So don’t wait un­til your two-yearold does some­thing wrong be­fore spend­ing time with him.

Don’ t be afraid to bend the rules oc­ca­sion­ally, par­tic­u­larly when you are on a fam­ily out­ing.

DO I CRIT­I­CISE HIM EX­CES­SIVELY?

Liv­ing with a tod­dler can be very de­mand­ing and it is very easy to fall into a neg­a­tive re­la­tion­ship, es­pe­cially if he is chal­leng­ing. You might end up crit­i­cis­ing and nag­ging him more than you ex­pected. Try to adopt a pos­i­tive ap­proach.

DO I PACK IN TOO MUCH DUR­ING THE DAY?

He needs plenty of stim­u­la­tion, so he en­joys hav­ing a busy life. If his sched­ule is too hec­tic, how­ever, he’ll be­come ir­ri­ta­ble and un­co­op­er­a­tive de­spite your good in­ten­tions. Do­ing less dur­ing the day could lead to an im­prove­ment in his be­hav­iour.

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