21New MicroAggressions to Avoid in 2017
Calling someone a “snowflake” because it suggests that they have fair and clear skin, and not because you value them as unique. Telling someone they have the star quality of William Hung from Singing out loud that annoyingly catchy pop song that you haven’t been able to get out of your head all day. Threatening to move to Australia after the next general election but then totally not moving. Not cool, mate. Referring to large earthenware containers as “jugs”. Nobody else is laughing. Using hurtful words and phrases like “lazy”, “unmotivated”, or “maybe it’s time you moved out of my basement”. Interacting with your dog without acknowledging your opposable thumbs privilege. Saying “Happy holidays” instead of a proper, historically correct Christmas greeting, like “All hail the mighty Lord of Misrule, host of the Feast of Fools and emperor of all revelers.” Pronouncing someone’s name without acknowledging the umlaut. Vehemently denying the fact that such things as micro-aggressions exist. Knowing the difference between “your” and “you’re” but still mixing them up because you’re in a hurry and it’s just social media. Doing an impression of Chevy Chase from any of his movies without adding, “But of course, addiction is no laughing matter.” Posting a Facebook tribute to a recently deceased rock star even though you haven’t actually listened to him since high school. Whispering into a small child’s ear, “Our government is run by lizard people wearing human skin disguises who want to hurt your mommy and daddy” while dressed up as Santa Claus. Asking “Out late last night?” just because a guy didn’t shave, has bloodshot eyes, and decided to wear a Man Utd jersey and sweatpants to work. When introducing yourself to a woman you find attractive, forgetting to immediately apologise for your subconscious role in reinforcing the patriarchal conspiracy, and then apologising for mansplaining the patriarchy to her, and then running back to your apartment to sit alone in the dark because a monster like you shouldn’t be allowed to roam freely among the innocent. Peeing behind a bush or tree that isn’t explicitly gender neutral.