A man must have good com­mu­ni­ca­tion and lan­guage skills

New Straits Times - - Letters -

I RE­FER to the ar­ti­cle on polygamy (New Sun­day Times, March 26). It is time the au­thor­i­ties el­e­vated the sta­tus of polyg­a­mous mar­riages to be con­so­nant with the teach­ing of the Qu­ran and the cus­toms prac­tised by the Prophet.

Thus the main qual­ity a man who wishes to marry more than one wife should have is good lan­guage and com­mu­ni­ca­tion skills, so that he can eval­u­ate his needs and that of his prospec­tive bride.

It is al­ways nec­es­sary for a man to sup­port a woman and her chil­dren fi­nan­cially in Is­lam.

Thus if a Mus­lim man courts a woman with­out first hav­ing fi­nan­cial re­sources, he is bound to put him­self in trou­ble.

Per­haps the Is­lamic in­junc­tion that ren­ders men re­spon­si­ble for the up­keep of women is just an in­cen­tive for men to work hard and build wealth.

Nev­er­the­less, re­li­gion is not stag­nant and should move with the times to be widely re­ceived.

We know that women are ed­u­cated and in­de­pen­dent, ca­pa­ble of earn­ing in­come for them­selves and there­fore do not need a man’s money.

This does not mean that a man is en­ti­tled to take a woman’s money if she earns more than him.

Men are phys­i­cally stronger than women. They also have more men­tal strength.

We can see that women have to work harder and longer to get in the same po­si­tion as men, and there­fore money earned by women is more valu­able, which is one rea­son why they would not want to part with it eas­ily.

It is im­por­tant for men never to take ad­van­tage of the edge that they have over women. Men should never talk un­favourably about women, and those who have more than one wife should not crit­i­cise any of them in front of oth­ers.

Men who di­min­ish, stereo­type or de­scribe women in an un­favourable man­ner are bound to suf­fer a sim­i­lar hurt by their fel­low men.

It is not nec­es­sary for a man to spend the same amount of time with ev­ery one of his wives, be­cause each will have dif­fer­ent needs.

The good com­mu­ni­ca­tor will un­der­stand those needs and en­sure that he ful­fills them. One of the wives may re­quire more time, an­other more money, an­other more in­tel­lec­tual con­ver­sa­tion, and an­other more lov­ing words and ten­der care.

If a man thinks that all women are the same and can be sat­is­fied in the same man­ner, he is bound to find him­self in one or more un­happy mar­riages.

A man who looks for a woman to take care of him should be rich. For him to think that she will take care of him out of love is naive and not an Is­lamic con­cept.

There is much love in care-giv­ing, but tak­ing care of a per­son also has a prac­ti­cal as­pect that can­not be ig­nored, and which of­ten re­quires a good amount of money.

The Mus­lim mar­riage is not solely based on love. In Is­lam, mar­riage is a busi­ness trans­ac­tion where both par­ties are dealt with fairly and will re­main fully sat­is­fied with the re­sults of the trans­ac­tion, hope­fully for life.

My rea­son for writ­ing this let­ter is that ev­ery true Mus­lim knows that Is­lam is the re­li­gion of mankind, and if prop­erly pre­sented, polygamy is that as­pect of Is­lam that will win over the most con­verts, es­pe­cially from the West.

It is said that “men will be men”. Polygamy sat­is­fies the in­trin­sic need of many a man, but this can­not come with the di­min­ish­ing, down­grad­ing and stereo­typ­ing of women.

There is also the mat­ter of age. As a man gets older, he should re­mem­ber that he will be treated as he has treated oth­ers, in­clud­ing the women in his life.

MARISA DEMORI, Pu­tra­jaya

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