not ready for more
When a friend wants to be more than friends.
I HAVE been friends with this guy, D, for many years. Then, this year he started telling his friends that he has a crush on me. I am embarrassed because I don’t feel the same way about him.
He seems obsessed with his crush on me. He’d sometimes stalk me on Facebook, and he always wants to talk to me even when there is nothing to talk about. He knows I don’t have special feelings for him but he still persists.
One of my friends told me that D bought a necklace for me that says: “I Love You”, and he is going to give it to me on Christmas Day. I really don’t want to accept the gift because I don’t want to give him the impression that I am accepting his feelings for me.
But then I also don’t want to hurt his feelings. I dread the day he gives it to me or the day he tells me he loves me face to face. What should I say to him when he does?
Last week he told me through Facebook that he wanted to tell me something but was too shy to say it. He kept on telling me the same thing, which annoys me.
D is always telling our friends about how he loves me, and I am so frustrated because they always tease me about him. I really want this to stop and I miss the days when we were just friends. — Ms Surprises
When someone gives us attention that we don’t want, it can be confusing and difficult to know how to act or what to say to them.
We are afraid of hurting their feelings or having to do something that feels uncomfortable. But when their attention becomes annoying or worrisome, it is time to take action no matter how uncomfortable it may make you feel.
You need to let him know in no uncertain terms that you are not interested in him romantically. Sometimes when we keep quiet, people who have a crush think that we somehow don’t mind or even like the attention.
Make it direct so he is clear about your message. It is better to tell him now than to wait until things get more uncomfortable for both of you or he moves from stalking you on Facebook to real life.
What you are currently facing happens to many teenagers and young adults.
Unfortunately for you, however, there is nothing much that could be said or done about the situation without affecting your friendship.
You have two clear-cut choices. Your first option would be to play along with his whole fascination game in order to not hurt his feelings.
However, this would mean that you would have to put up a charade of having similar feelings towards him in order to keep you guys “happily together”, or at least make him believe so. Naturally, this is not ideal as it doesn’t solve your problem.
Your other option is to be honest and to tell him how you feel. While it may cause him to stop romantically pursuing you, it will also mean that he might not want to remain “just friends” with you.
However, with this option, there is a chance that your relationship might be able to go back close to what it was like before.