IAM 12 years old this year. I have known this guy who is also 12 for seven to eight years now and I have a crush on him. I turn down any other guy who shows any interest in me. I have only liked this guy for all my life.
Unfortunately, he doesn’t know, even though we study in classes next to each other’s. We used to be close, comparing notes, chatting, studying together and doing other things. But as the years went by, he grew more distant.
We never had a romantic relationship so it was understandable. As far as I know, he likes another girl. He still knows who I am, but few words are exchanged, just the occasional ones.
We both took the UPSR recently. I had promised him, “One day, I’ll be better than you!”. It was this pact that I held on to, to stop me from going insane when I had been rejected by my classmates as the outcast a few years ago. He was the reason I could continue living on.
It’s hurting me but I know this is better for him because I love him for real, from the bottom of my heart. I can’t let go. Please help me. — Heartbroken
I understand that you have a very strong crush on this boy and that’s normal at your age. But that is not the same thing as love. To really love someone, you need to get to know them and see both their strengths and weaknesses.
Love is hard enough for older people – for someone your age, the feelings can be overwhelming and emotions are hard to control. What worries me is you saying that “he is the reason I could continue living on”.
Why does he have so much power over you when you guys are not even dating, and he is distant?
Have you created a fantasy romance with this boy that makes it feel like there is some kind of relationship between you?
It’s normal to have a crush and think about him all the time. But it’s not normal to make him responsible for whether you continue living. What will you do if he’s not interested in you? You say you love him, but does he feel the same way about you?
You are just 12 years old and your body and your personality are going through a lot of changes. Who you like will change over the years so don’t be in such a rush to give your heart to someone now.
I know this is hard and painful, but we can’t force someone to love us just because we love them. You may like him, respect or be very attracted to him but I wouldn’t use the word “love” as you did. We can’t really and truly fall in love until we love and value ourselves.
Other people cannot complete us or be used to fill up the empty spaces within ourselves. You will need to clearly understand the feelings you have within are temporary at this juncture despite your own objections. It is the best for him, and for you especially, to let go and move on. It doesn’t mean that he will not come around one day but unfortunately the timing for the both of you is just not right now. We all have to realise that the right person will come along for us. While we are waiting for this magical event, we have to work on ourselves non-stop to be the best person we can possibly be while we are ‘waiting’. That means doing things to build our self-confidence by succeeding in our life activities.
In doing so, you might then realise there is more to life than living for your crush, and there most definitely is. We’re only young once, so enjoy your youth and make the most out of it!