Young love

The Star Malaysia - Star2 - - R.AGE T -

IAM 12 years old this year. I have known this guy who is also 12 for seven to eight years now and I have a crush on him. I turn down any other guy who shows any in­ter­est in me. I have only liked this guy for all my life.

Un­for­tu­nately, he doesn’t know, even though we study in classes next to each other’s. We used to be close, com­par­ing notes, chat­ting, study­ing to­gether and do­ing other things. But as the years went by, he grew more dis­tant.

We never had a ro­man­tic re­la­tion­ship so it was un­der­stand­able. As far as I know, he likes an­other girl. He still knows who I am, but few words are ex­changed, just the oc­ca­sional ones.

We both took the UPSR re­cently. I had promised him, “One day, I’ll be bet­ter than you!”. It was this pact that I held on to, to stop me from go­ing in­sane when I had been re­jected by my class­mates as the out­cast a few years ago. He was the rea­son I could con­tinue liv­ing on.

It’s hurt­ing me but I know this is bet­ter for him be­cause I love him for real, from the bot­tom of my heart. I can’t let go. Please help me. — Heart­bro­ken

Fari­dah

I un­der­stand that you have a very strong crush on this boy and that’s nor­mal at your age. But that is not the same thing as love. To re­ally love some­one, you need to get to know them and see both their strengths and weak­nesses.

Love is hard enough for older peo­ple – for some­one your age, the feel­ings can be over­whelm­ing and emo­tions are hard to con­trol. What wor­ries me is you say­ing that “he is the rea­son I could con­tinue liv­ing on”.

Why does he have so much power over you when you guys are not even dat­ing, and he is dis­tant?

Have you cre­ated a fan­tasy ro­mance with this boy that makes it feel like there is some kind of re­la­tion­ship be­tween you?

It’s nor­mal to have a crush and think about him all the time. But it’s not nor­mal to make him re­spon­si­ble for whether you con­tinue liv­ing. What will you do if he’s not in­ter­ested in you? You say you love him, but does he feel the same way about you?

You are just 12 years old and your body and your per­son­al­ity are go­ing through a lot of changes. Who you like will change over the years so don’t be in such a rush to give your heart to some­one now.

Stephanie

I know this is hard and painful, but we can’t force some­one to love us just be­cause we love them. You may like him, re­spect or be very at­tracted to him but I wouldn’t use the word “love” as you did. We can’t re­ally and truly fall in love un­til we love and value our­selves.

Other peo­ple can­not com­plete us or be used to fill up the empty spa­ces within our­selves. You will need to clearly un­der­stand the feel­ings you have within are tem­po­rary at this junc­ture de­spite your own ob­jec­tions. It is the best for him, and for you es­pe­cially, to let go and move on. It doesn’t mean that he will not come around one day but un­for­tu­nately the tim­ing for the both of you is just not right now. We all have to re­alise that the right per­son will come along for us. While we are wait­ing for this mag­i­cal event, we have to work on our­selves non-stop to be the best per­son we can pos­si­bly be while we are ‘wait­ing’. That means do­ing things to build our self-con­fi­dence by suc­ceed­ing in our life ac­tiv­i­ties.

In do­ing so, you might then re­alise there is more to life than liv­ing for your crush, and there most def­i­nitely is. We’re only young once, so en­joy your youth and make the most out of it!

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