Snar­ing your quarry

The Star Malaysia - Star2 - - LIVING - MARY SCH­NEI­DER star2@thes­

WHAT if you had the power to make any­one fall madly in love with you? Would you do some­thing about it? Or would you in­stantly dis­miss such pow­ers as quack­ery and con­tinue to sit in front of your com­puter/TV screen, alone and lonely, as you wait for the per­fect mate to some­how plop onto your lap?

How To Make Any­one Fall In Love With You, a self-help book by Leil Lown­des, the same per­son who wrote How To Talk To Any­one, gives you step-by-step ad­vice on how to snare the per­fect part­ner sim­ply by be­ing schem­ing and ma­nip­u­la­tive.

Of course, it goes with­out say­ing that you can’t make “any­one” fall in love with you. Your dream part­ner (or your quarry – as he or she is re­ferred to in the book) has to be avail­able and ready to fall in love. In short, the plan­ets have to be aligned.

For ex­am­ple, you can’t just track down Brad Pitt, knock on his door, bat your eye­lashes at him and have him fall for you. For a start, An­gelina will prob­a­bly come out and kick your butt ala Lara Croft. Even if Brad were to be un­cer­e­mo­ni­ously dumped by An­gelina, your trick­ery might not work on him if he’s not in the mood. And I can imag­ine that any­one who is used to be­ing the dumper, as op­posed to be­ing the dumpee, would be in a bit of a funk for a while.

Some of Lown­des’ tips to help “hunters” and “huntresses” get started are quite harm­less, while oth­ers have the po­ten­tial to be embarrassing. For ex­am­ple, if you are a sin­gle wo­man at a party and you see some­one you find at­trac­tive, you are en­cour­aged to smile broadly at him, or look at him and flip your hair, or lick your lips dur­ing eye con­tact, or tap some­thing to get his at­ten­tion.

I might smile at some­one at a party if I tak­ing ac­tion to find your part­ner, or rather hav­ing that part­ner ‘fall for you’ has never been so com­pli­cated. thought he was cute and he was smil­ing at me, but there’s no way I would flip my hair at him, sim­ply be­cause it’s way too short to flip. And what if I’m in­no­cently lick­ing my lips af­ter eat­ing, say, some fried chicken, and my ac­tions are mis­taken for some sort of soft porn movie “come hither” sig­nal?

But let’s just say that you’ve man­aged to get some­one’s at­ten­tion by tap­ping him on the shoul­der or pat­ting him on the bum or stick­ing your tongue in his ear. What next?

Lown­des rec­om­mends the fol­low­ing: “When con­vers­ing with your quarry, ex­ag­ger­ate your eye con­tact. Search for his or her op­tic nerve. Lock eyes with your quarry to give the aura of al­ready be­ing in love.”

If some­one wants to search for my op­tic nerve, he’d bet­ter be med­i­cally qual­i­fied. Be­sides, all that star­ing and act­ing as if you’re in love with a com­plete stranger is a lit­tle too creepy for my lik­ing.

If you man­age to sur­vive the eye­balling ac­tiv­ity and you sense your con­ver­sa­tion with your quarry is go­ing smoothly, it is sug­gested that you make a mi­nor rev­e­la­tion about your­self.

“It cre­ates in­ti­macy,” says Lown­des. “Choose some tiny foible and re­veal it like a con­fes­sion, but make sure it’s re­ally mi­nor.”

This is ob­vi­ously not the time to be telling him or her about the first time you were caught sho­plift­ing. Or how you took a chain­saw to your neigh­bour’s rambu­tan tree in the mid­dle of the night. And en­joyed it – a lot. Or how you like to sleep with yo­ghurt on your face and olives in your ears.

Also, if you are asked out on a date, re­spond im­me­di­ately and “en­er­get­i­cally” – women are not en­cour­aged to play hard to get. Seems that men don’t re­ally like it when you hem and haw and try to in­crease your value by only ac­cept­ing dates that co­in­cide with a lu­nar eclipse.

When it comes to plan­ning your first date, Lown­des sug­gests that you dis­cover what pulls your quarry’s strings, and then plan an arous­ing, emo­tional ex­pe­ri­ence.

“You don’t have to risk life and limb to­gether, but a lit­tle early shared anx­i­ety is a proved aphro­disiac,” she says. “Then, of course, it’s nice to have din­ner af­ter­ward so you can dis­cuss the trau­matic ex­pe­ri­ence.”

“How do I stage a trau­matic ex­pe­ri­ence?” you might be ask­ing right about now.

All you need is a lit­tle imag­i­na­tion. I mean to say, how dif­fi­cult is it to or­gan­ise a near col­li­sion on the high­way, or skinny-dip­ping with sharks, or ab­seil­ing down the side of Petronas Twin Tow­ers?

The next step in­volves mim­ick­ing your quarry’s re­ac­tions to every­thing, be it hor­ror, dis­gust, joy, fas­ci­na­tion…

Quite frankly, I’d rather be home alone with the real me. n Check out Mary on Face­book at www. face­­nei­der.writer. Reader re­sponse can be di­rected to star2@thes­ my.

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