Snaring your quarry
WHAT if you had the power to make anyone fall madly in love with you? Would you do something about it? Or would you instantly dismiss such powers as quackery and continue to sit in front of your computer/TV screen, alone and lonely, as you wait for the perfect mate to somehow plop onto your lap?
How To Make Anyone Fall In Love With You, a self-help book by Leil Lowndes, the same person who wrote How To Talk To Anyone, gives you step-by-step advice on how to snare the perfect partner simply by being scheming and manipulative.
Of course, it goes without saying that you can’t make “anyone” fall in love with you. Your dream partner (or your quarry – as he or she is referred to in the book) has to be available and ready to fall in love. In short, the planets have to be aligned.
For example, you can’t just track down Brad Pitt, knock on his door, bat your eyelashes at him and have him fall for you. For a start, Angelina will probably come out and kick your butt ala Lara Croft. Even if Brad were to be unceremoniously dumped by Angelina, your trickery might not work on him if he’s not in the mood. And I can imagine that anyone who is used to being the dumper, as opposed to being the dumpee, would be in a bit of a funk for a while.
Some of Lowndes’ tips to help “hunters” and “huntresses” get started are quite harmless, while others have the potential to be embarrassing. For example, if you are a single woman at a party and you see someone you find attractive, you are encouraged to smile broadly at him, or look at him and flip your hair, or lick your lips during eye contact, or tap something to get his attention.
I might smile at someone at a party if I taking action to find your partner, or rather having that partner ‘fall for you’ has never been so complicated. thought he was cute and he was smiling at me, but there’s no way I would flip my hair at him, simply because it’s way too short to flip. And what if I’m innocently licking my lips after eating, say, some fried chicken, and my actions are mistaken for some sort of soft porn movie “come hither” signal?
But let’s just say that you’ve managed to get someone’s attention by tapping him on the shoulder or patting him on the bum or sticking your tongue in his ear. What next?
Lowndes recommends the following: “When conversing with your quarry, exaggerate your eye contact. Search for his or her optic nerve. Lock eyes with your quarry to give the aura of already being in love.”
If someone wants to search for my optic nerve, he’d better be medically qualified. Besides, all that staring and acting as if you’re in love with a complete stranger is a little too creepy for my liking.
If you manage to survive the eyeballing activity and you sense your conversation with your quarry is going smoothly, it is suggested that you make a minor revelation about yourself.
“It creates intimacy,” says Lowndes. “Choose some tiny foible and reveal it like a confession, but make sure it’s really minor.”
This is obviously not the time to be telling him or her about the first time you were caught shoplifting. Or how you took a chainsaw to your neighbour’s rambutan tree in the middle of the night. And enjoyed it – a lot. Or how you like to sleep with yoghurt on your face and olives in your ears.
Also, if you are asked out on a date, respond immediately and “energetically” – women are not encouraged to play hard to get. Seems that men don’t really like it when you hem and haw and try to increase your value by only accepting dates that coincide with a lunar eclipse.
When it comes to planning your first date, Lowndes suggests that you discover what pulls your quarry’s strings, and then plan an arousing, emotional experience.
“You don’t have to risk life and limb together, but a little early shared anxiety is a proved aphrodisiac,” she says. “Then, of course, it’s nice to have dinner afterward so you can discuss the traumatic experience.”
“How do I stage a traumatic experience?” you might be asking right about now.
All you need is a little imagination. I mean to say, how difficult is it to organise a near collision on the highway, or skinny-dipping with sharks, or abseiling down the side of Petronas Twin Towers?
The next step involves mimicking your quarry’s reactions to everything, be it horror, disgust, joy, fascination…
Quite frankly, I’d rather be home alone with the real me. n Check out Mary on Facebook at www. facebook.com/mary.schneider.writer. Reader response can be directed to firstname.lastname@example.org. my.