Get­ting out of the Friend Zone

The Star Malaysia - Star2 - - FASHION & BEAUTY - By CHIARA ATIK

IF your re­la­tion­ships con­stantly sway to­wards the pla­tonic rather than the ro­man­tic, then, sorry to say it, but it’s prob­a­bly be­cause of some­thing you’re do­ing.

Luck­ily, it is pos­si­ble to get out of the Friend Zone and stay out for good. It just takes gump­tion, a bit of brav­ery and just the right amount of phys­i­cal con­tact.

Ask him or her out right away.

When you first meet some­one you might be in­ter­ested in, time is of the essence in terms of es­tab­lish­ing whether your re­la­tion­ship will be pla­tonic or ro­man­tic.

For shy peo­ple, the nat­u­ral ten­dency is to slowly get to know the other per­son, even if your at­trac­tion is in­stant.

But this is ex­actly how peo­ple get stuck in the Friend Zone – they wait too long, and then get to the point where any pos­si­ble chem­istry or at­trac­tion has evolved into a com­fort­able, pla­tonic friend­ship.

If you meet some­one, and you think you want to go on a date with them, don’t hes­i­tate and don’t wait: ask them out right away.

If you go on a date and dis­cover that there’s no chem­istry, it’s easy to de­velop a friend­ship from there. But turn­ing friend­ship into ro­mance is much, much harder. that hu­mour is at­trac­tive, con­stantly mak­ing dis­parag­ing jokes about your­self or act­ing like the class clown does not make peo­ple think, “I want to be more than just friends with this per­son, the sooner the bet­ter.”

Goofy is lovely, funny is charm­ing – but save those qual­i­ties for when you’ve al­ready landed a date.

When you’re first meet­ing some­one, fo­cus on friend­li­ness and al­lure in­stead.

Don’t be too avail­able

The most sure-fire way to land your­self per­ma­nently in the Friend Zone is to be com­pletely avail­able to the other per­son, with your emo­tions and your time.

Soon, you’re the one he or she is tex­ting be­cause they’re bored, or invit­ing out on Tues­day night cause they have no other plans.

You’ll feel like you’re get­ting some­where with this per­son – af­ter all, aren’t you al­ways hang­ing out, go­ing to movies and grab­bing din­ner?

You prob­a­bly think that if you just con­tinue pla­ton­i­cally dat­ing this per­son, one of th­ese days he or she will look at you across the ta­ble and sud­denly re­alise that they’re in love with you. Ex­cept it very, very rarely works that way.

In truth, they’re just bid­ing their time with sweet, com­fort­able you, while think­ing of that other guy or girl who is still slightly unattain­able to them.

If you like some­one, give them the op­tion of dat­ing you, or don’t spend too much one-on-one time with them at all.

They’ll be forced to con­sider you in a ro­man­tic light, and if they turn you down, trust me: it’s so much bet­ter than be­ing help­lessly strung along.

Es­tab­lish fa­mil­iar­ity

A good way to slowly inch your way out of the Friend Zone is to slowly es­tab­lish phys­i­cal fa­mil­iar­ity.

Think about some­one you like: does the thought of touch­ing them some­how seem weird, awk­ward, or im­pos­si­ble?

If so, you to­tally need to work on be­com­ing more com­fort­able with ca­sual phys­i­cal con­tact.

Start small – put your hand on their back, rest your head on their shoul­der, give them a kiss on the cheek to say hello or good­bye.

It’s not so weird for friends to have that level of phys­i­cal rap­port, and once you es­tab­lish some­thing like this, it’s easy to slowly es­ca­late it to more in­tense phys­i­cally.

In other words, if you put your head on his or her shoul­der, and he or she re­cip­ro­cates by putting their arm around you, and pretty soon half an hour has past and no one has moved, and things progress from there ... well, you’re well on your way to be­ing out of the Friend Zone for good. — Los An­ge­les Times/ McClatchy-Tri­bune In­for­ma­tion Ser­vices

It just takes gump­tion, a bit of brav­ery and just the right amount of phys­i­cal con­tact to get out of the Friend Zone. — AFP

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