For items 1, 2, 7, 8 and 10 award yourself +1 for yes and - 1 for no. For items 3, 4, 5, 6 and 9 award yourself +1 for no and -1 for yes. add up the +1s and -1s separately and then subtract the minus total from the plus total to give your overall score.
+10 to +6
Provided your partner gives you a sense of security too, you have all the ingredients for a successful long-term supportive relationship. Your confidence will be increased if your partner is as willing to accept support from you as you are to be cared for by him or her. There is now a great deal of evidence that the quality of your primary relationship will not only enhance your selfesteem but give you the confidence to face life’s knocks. Cherish this person and don’t take him or her for granted - there aren’t too many like this about!
+4 to 0
There are probably enough caring elements in this relationship to make it worthwhile working at. But if you have been feeling angry or dissatisfied there are probably good reasons for it. You’re not getting the degree of loyalty and support that you deserve. it is important to tell your partner what you need and to see how he or she responds. it will require some heart-to-hearts, and the willingness to look at your own behaviour too, if it is all to come right. in the meantime cultivate supportive relationships with family or friends to give you enough confidence and independence to persevere. There is nothing like bargaining from a position of strength.
-2 to -10
either you are an extremely self-sufficient woman who needs little bolstering from others to keep her happy, or you will need to draw on all your personal resources to keep a sense of yourself in this relationship. Consistent lack of caring has been shown to have disastrous effects on most people’s self-esteem, and can sometimes lead to complete demoralisation. This is particularly likely to happen when any kind of crisis has to be faced. When you’re feeling down you need to keep in mind that, whatever your partner says, you are a person of worth who is entitled to be cared about. Try to get support from family and friends so that you can build up the confidence to negotiate a more caring and supportive relationship with this person.
For items 1, 2, 3, 9 and 10, score +1 for yes and -1 for no. For items 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8, score +1 for no and –1 for yes. add up the +1 s and -1 s separately and subtract the minus total from the plus total to give your overall score.
+10 to +6
in an insecure world, this is a reasonably reliable relationship. Having a secure base of this type permits people to explore the world and develop their own potential with greater confidence. This is not just true of young children but applies to adults too, particularly when the going gets tough. But it is unwise to be too complacent – any score that is less than ten may still mean that there are areas of insecurity to attend to.
+4 to 0
You need to proceed with caution with this person. Major problems need to be sorted out before you can achieve a secure base. even moderate amounts of this kind of behaviour can leave you permanently anxious or depressed, and interfere with the enjoyment you should be experiencing. guard your independence jealously, because it could be disastrous to hope for too much from this relationship. it’s possible that your partner too is insecure and needs a lot of reassurance from you, but this may not be enough to change him or her.
-2 to -10
not only does this relationship offer you practically no security, it is probably robbing you of any of feelings of security you possessed to start with. You will need to be not only strong but experienced to survive a relationship like this without it affecting you badly. People like this are often confusing because they have a very needy side and try to pull you back as soon as they think they are losing you. all the evidence suggests you should ignore any promises and take a hard look at your partner’s track record. This is the most reliable guide to the future. How did you do?
You’re very lucky, but don’t be complacent: make sure you work at your relationships to keep them vibrant and valuable. extremely low scores show that you must try to build your relationship step by step, starting perhaps with your feelings about yourself and your ability to flourish alone. Your family and friends cannot always be there when you want them, so it’s important to assess your personal resources, too. one study on couple conflict found that the problems people felt led to their break-up manifested themselves within the first five years. So it’s very important to establish some agreement with your partner on your relationship rules if you want stay together happily. – © universal Publishing Service