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The Myanmar Times - - Wedding 2016 -

I be­lieve in love. Both of us strongly be­lieve that there can be no loy­alty, un­der­stand­ing and sup­port with­out any love or af­fec­tion. So, we got mar­ried based solely on love. A lady should al­ways study in de­tail the man she in­tends to marry. When I eval­u­ated my hus­band-to-be, I ex­plored how he in­ter­acted with me and his at­ti­tude to­wards my fam­ily, my sur­round­ings and those weaker than him.

I mar­ried him be­cause we think alike. Right from the be­gin­ning when we be­came lovers, he would give me re­spect, for my po­si­tion and for what I was do­ing. He would al­ways give me use­ful sug­ges­tions with­out in­ter­fer­ing in my work. I also ad­mired him and did not put him un­der any pres­sure.

I un­der­stand that when two peo­ple get mar­ried they be­come in­ter­de­pen­dent. But that does not mean it should be­come a hin­drance to his free­dom and his pri­vate life. If it did, I would not in­ter­pret it as love. There­fore, if I have to be do­ing some­thing for my own sake, I would al­ways try to be con­sid­er­ate and imag­ine how I would feel if I were in his shoes. Sim­i­larly, when he wants to do some­thing for him­self he would con­sider my opin­ion and thoughts. This re­sults in hap­pi­ness and prac­ti­cal­ity for both of us.

In mar­ried life, if all things are go­ing to be done for the sake of only one part­ner, and if the other part­ner has been hold­ing a grudge for a long time, the mar­riage will not work. One sim­i­lar­ity we both have is that if there is an is­sue to be set­tled, we openly dis­cuss it. This ap­proach is re­ally good as it does not lead us to any do­mes­tic prob­lem – like bick­er­ing and fight­ing with each other.

So, in a nut­shell, the main in­gre­di­ent in mar­riage is love. Noth­ing can be built with­out love. The next im­por­tant fac­tor would be trust. If trust is lost be­tween two part­ners, noth­ing can be done any more. Al­though trust is next to love, it is some­thing that has in­tel­lec­tual im­pli­ca­tions and re­sults in sus­pi­cion and other con­se­quences.

We have mu­tual re­spect and trust. So, all our prob­lems are cur­tailed. For me, love and trust are more im­por­tant than un­der­stand­ing. For ex­am­ple, if he goes on a trip, though I worry for his health and jour­ney, I trust him com­pletely … be­cause he has proved him­self to be trust­wor­thy. I try to bal­ance love and trust, and it ap­pears that my mar­riage life is sail­ing smoothly. You come from a happy fam­ily. Now that you are go­ing to be a mother to twins, how do you want to build your fam­ily life? We con­sid­ered my age, our present sit­u­a­tion, and de­cided that this is the best time to have a baby. Imag­i­na­tions of be­ing a mother and be­com­ing one in real­ity are vastly dif­fer­ent. What you had said and thought be­fore­hand might not cor­re­spond to what you ex­pe­ri­ence as a mother. Your per­sonal self takes a back seat while you do ev­ery­thing for your kids. I would eat some­thing for their sake, even though I would not have cared for it in the past. Now work will come af­ter my kids.

Af­ter my ba­bies are born, I will still be in­volved in work as I love my ca­reer. But I will surely give im­por­tance to be­ing a dutiful mother. My mother looked af­ter us all the time dur­ing our child­hood. I want my chil­dren to be like that – grow­ing un­der a mother’s care and love so that they too will have lov­ing thoughts to­wards oth­ers. This be­ing the case, I think I will give pri­or­ity to my fam­ily than to my work. How did you feel when you knew you were go­ing to have twins? Twins to me means dou­ble bless­ings. I knew I would have twins six weeks into my preg­nancy. There have not been any twins in our fam­ily’s his­tory. When I went for an ul­tra­sound test, my doc­tor said she thought it was twins but I had to wait for an­other week to con­firm it. I had to take all pre­cau­tions. The one-week wait­ing time was long. I would be wor­ried even if I felt a slight pain. I can­celled all my work and stayed put lis­ten­ing to calm mu­sic. Af­ter a week, their heart­beats could be heard and I was so happy.

When I heard the good news, I was de­lighted and tears fell from my eyes. I rev­elled in re­ceiv­ing a spe­cial bless­ing. Now I am into my ninth week. Are you do­ing any spe­cific re­search or prepa­ra­tion for your kids? I am keep­ing a record book for my­self and for my chil­dren. They do not want me to use wi-fi, so I have lim­ited in­ter­net ac­cess and rarely use my Face­book th­ese days. I read about rais­ing chil­dren from the in­ter­net. I try to re­search things that I would need when they are born. I am for­tu­nate to have my mother with me. Like other ex­pec­tant moth­ers, I feel queasy and can’t stand cer­tain smells. I some­times act strange. Maybe it’s be­cause I’m car­ry­ing twins. There may be food around, but I may not have the ap­petite to eat. When I want to eat some­thing, I need to have it pre­pared right there and then, or else I lose my ap­petite soon af­ter. With my mother around, she tries to ful­fill my de­sires as much as she can. She tells me the dos and don’ts and takes spe­cial care of me.

When a wo­man is preg­nant, then you ap­pre­ci­ate your mother more. No one in this world can be com­pared to your mother. I am very for­tu­nate. I can live with my fam­ily while be­ing taken care of by my mother. My sis­ter also takes care of me. Even my sis­ter’s friend takes great care of me. My hus­band has come back from Nay Pyi Taw and does not have to travel much any more. He spends more time with me and greatly cares for me. When I feel good, I go out and do my series record­ing. My life is pleas­ant, though it’s oth­er­wise when I feel sick. Based on your ex­pe­ri­ence, what would be your ad­vice to cou­ples plan­ning to get mar­ried? You have to make sure that both of you have gen­uine love for each other. Once you are sure about that, you have to ask your­self whether you can give more than you take. The na­ture of a wo­man by it­self is you have to sac­ri­fice. Can you still love by sac­ri­fic­ing? And, if you are re­ally for­tu­nate, you would meet a part­ner that you can trust and rely on.

Don’t try to build a mar­ried life with some­one who might love you very much and yet would be un­trust­wor­thy in a small way. Just as you give sac­ri­fi­cial love, your part­ner must be able to prove his trust­wor­thi­ness. This is true for both sides. I’m telling from my own ex­pe­ri­ence. Even if both of you are sim­i­lar in many ways, there can’t be two part­ners that are per­fectly alike. There must be some give and take.

To do this you need trust, and to ac­cept the small dif­fer­ences you need sac­ri­fi­cial love. The na­tures of a man and a wo­man are dif­fer­ent. Both have dif­fer­ent opin­ions and per­spec­tives. A wo­man can’t al­ways think only from her view­point. Like­wise, a man has to sup­press him­self from giv­ing him­self pri­or­ity. Both sides have to prac­tise sac­ri­fi­cial love.

My hus­band has to be pa­tient with some of my strange man­ners and I have to do the same when there’s some weird be­hav­iour from his side. He would think it’s his right to have them, so I have to give him un­der­stand­ing to keep our mar­riage life in­tact and pleas­ant. Th­ese are some of the things to con­sider be­fore ty­ing the knot.

Most peo­ple th­ese days do not con­sider th­ese things be­fore get­ting mar­ried. Also, both the wo­man and man need to be lucky, be­cause in Myan­mar so­ci­ety it’s hard to ob­serve th­ese things be­fore mar­ry­ing. There­fore, they need to con­sider all the pos­si­bil­i­ties and try to work on them. Even af­ter prior dis­cus­sions, some things may not work out ex­actly in a mar­riage. There­fore, good com­mu­ni­ca­tion is vi­tal at all times. Any ad­di­tional mes­sage for your fans? I am try­ing to pro­duce a sin­gle al­bum so that I can keep in touch with my fans. I am plan­ning to per­form at some live shows when I’m five or six months into my preg­nancy. So, I hope there won’t be any com­mu­ni­ca­tion gap with my fans. I am try­ing my best. I’m also thrilled to hear my fans are al­ready ex­press­ing their love for my yet-un­born twins. I al­ways wanted to grow up in a world of love. Love is the most im­por­tant thing for me. I want to keep my chil­dren sur­rounded by love. I feel as if I have spe­cial bless­ing be­cause of the warm wel­come my fans are giv­ing to my twins. I’d like to ex­press my deep ap­pre­ci­a­tion for that. Trans­la­tion by Khine Thazin Han and San Layy

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