Will’s parallel parking seems picture perfect
Oh have I been WAITING for this day!
It’s been coming for a while and we now live in a social climate of honesty, so herewe go . . .
This is the day I can just come out and tell you who I really am. . .
I, ladies and gentlemen, am . . . Abrilliant parallel parker! There, I said it. It’s out there. OMGthe WEIGHT off my perfectly parked shoulders is immense. I feel like a new man. Iwant to hug a stranger and tell them how beautiful they are immediately.
Iwant doves and inspirational music and some form of slow-mo that involves and angle that makes me look skinny.
Seriously though, I’ve triedmywhole life to get parallel parking right, just because there is a fire insideme to do so that burns deep.
I get it rightmost days. I’m not afraid to toot my own horn, a horn that is parallel to the kerb in the car I just parked.
Tauranga is SO bad at it as a city. I’ve lived all overNZ and you know how much of a fan of this slice of paradise I am, but Tauranga just plainly sucks at getting a car close to a kerb in a parallel manner.
Parallel parking proficiently, for me, is an OCD thing, it’s a satisfaction/instant gratification thing, it’s a safety thing and it’s just a socially awkward thing not to have to overcome.
And God knows I’ve got enough of them . . . Last week I corrected an Indian lady on her pronunciation of a traditional Indian curry, that she had just made. Like, who even am I? What an idiot!
So when I saw a car parked outside The Hits studios this week, naturally I felt equal parts awesome about my ability and annoyed about the fact that they had just clearly given up on life! Seriously, they hadn’t even tried. They had literally angle parked into a parallel park.
Asmall part ofmeworried that they had a stroke and this is why it was like that. And they’re in the cycle lane. And they’re blocking a fire hydrant! Imean, what if the fire service needed to come and douse my car because it’s parking is on FIRE?
Will Johnston is host of The Hits 95FM Day Show. Live and local from 9am-3pm, every weekday in the Bay of Plenty.
Will Johnston . . . perfect parker.