Who does What

Bride & Groom - - WEDDING PLANNER -

Many cou­ples plan ev­ery as­pect of their wed­ding, but spread­ing the re­spon­si­bil­ity can greatly re­duce your stress lev­els. In New Zealand it’s quite com­mon for ev­ery­one in­volved to lend a hand in some way, whether on a fi­nan­cial or prac­ti­cal level. These guide­lines are based on tra­di­tional eti­quette but they are not rules. In the past, the bride’s par­ents paid for the wed­ding. To­day, of­ten both sets of par­ents will share the costs with the en­gaged cou­ple but of­ten the cou­ple pre­fer to pay for their wed­ding them­selves.

the bride

Usu­ally takes charge of plan­ning the wed­ding with help from the groom and/or her mother. Plans key el­e­ments of the wed­ding such as the venue, pho­tog­ra­pher, cel­e­brant etc. in con­sul­ta­tion with the groom. Or­gan­ises dec­o­ra­tion of the cer­e­mony venue and re­cep­tion, helped by the florist, her mother or brides­maids. Chooses at­tire and ac­ces­sories for her­self, her brides­maids, flow­er­girls and page­boys. Sends out in­vi­ta­tions if the bride’s par­ents pre­fer not to. Com­piles the wed­ding gift list with the groom. Writes thank-you let­ters for the wed­ding gifts. Chooses the wed­ding rings with the groom.

the groom

Helps the bride plan the wed­ding. Chooses his best­man and groomsmen. Chooses wed­ding at­tire in con­sul­ta­tion with the bride. Pays for the wed­ding rings and gives them to the best­man just be­fore the cer­e­mony. Or­gan­ises trans­port from the cer­e­mony venue to the re­cep­tion for him­self and his bride (un­less it is more con­ve­nient for the bride or her fa­ther to or­der the trans­port). Ar­ranges and pays for the hon­ey­moon (many cou­ples share this cost). Makes a speech at the re­cep­tion in re­ply to the fa­ther of the bride’s speech, in which he thanks the par­ents and guests, and pro­poses a toast to the at­ten­dants.

the groom’s par­ents

May con­trib­ute to the cost of the re­cep­tion in agree­ment with the bride’s par­ents.

the bride’s par­ents

Help or­gan­ise and pay for: wed­ding in­vi­ta­tions, Or­der of Ser­vice sheets and other sta­tionery; flow­ers and mu­sic for the cer­e­mony venue; the re­cep­tion flow­ers, food, drink, wed­ding cake; the car/s tak­ing the bride and her im­me­di­ate fam­ily to the cer­e­mony.

the bride’s mother

Helps with the wed­ding ar­range­ments, in­clud­ing con­sult­ing with the groom’s fam­ily about in­vi­ta­tions and keep­ing a check­list of replies. Can help the bride choose her wed­ding gown and the at­ten­dants’ out­fits. Con­sults the groom’s mother about her choice of wed­ding out­fit when choos­ing her own clothes. On the day, leaves the house just be­fore the bride, usu­ally with the at­ten­dants. She is the last per­son to be seated at the cer­e­mony.

the bride’s fa­ther

On the day, is the last to leave the house and es­corts his daugh­ter to the cer­e­mony. Walks up the aisle with the bride on his right arm and at the chan­cel steps stands on her left. Gives the bride away and takes his seat af­ter the vows. Makes the first speech, propos­ing a toast to the cou­ple.

the best­man

Or­gan­ises the groom’s stag night. En­sures the ush­ers know their du­ties and have their but­ton­holes and a seat­ing plan for the fam­ily seats, as well as the Or­der of Ser­vice sheets. Helps the groom get ready and get to the cer­e­mony on time. Stands on the groom’s right at the chan­cel steps as the bride ar­rives. Presents the rings to the groom at the ap­pro­pri­ate mo­ment in the cer­e­mony. Li­aises with the Mas­ter of Cer­e­monies or, if there is none, or­gan­ises the or­der of wed­ding speeches and an­nounces the cut­ting of the cake. Reads out some of the texts, faxes and emails from ab­sent friends. Looks af­ter the groom’s clothes (re­turn­ing them, if hired).

the chief brides­maid

Is called the ma­tron of hon­our, if mar­ried. Helps the bride with wed­ding ar­range­ments. Or­gan­ises any pre-wed­ding par­ties for the bride. Is re­spon­si­ble for the brides­maids, flow­er­girls and page­boys, and makes sure they know their du­ties. Helps the bride dress for the wed­ding. Helps the bride with her train and holds her bou­quet dur­ing the cer­e­mony. Helps the bride change af­ter the re­cep­tion and takes charge of the wed­ding gown (re­turn­ing it, if hired).

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