Polarity, passion and perspective
Polarity is a key ingredient to a great relationship.
That’s a bold statement, I know, yet every healthy relationship has a male and a female part to it.
One partner is more masculine whilst the other is more feminine. This is important, because contrast creates passion.
These male-female dynamics keep balance in the relationship.
We need to respect that men and women have different roles, different thinking and different ways of dealing with things.
For example, most guys have a man cave and most women can talk a lot!
Men, when they have a problem, go ponder. Women, when they have a problem, stay in it and keep going until it is resolved.
When working with clients, I notice a lot of women do not understand the concept of the Man Cave.
‘‘Why doesn’t he talk to me and tell me how he feels?’’ (If I had a dollar for every time I heard that). And then the guys, are just baffled as to why she gets so angry and moody when he tells her how to sort her situation out! Go figure! When a fella has a problem, a decision or some dilemma, he has to walk away from it and reflect. Physically and mentally he goes into his Man Cave. It may be the shed with a beer to tinker, it maybe mindlessly scrolling through the screen in his hand. He does something else while another part of his brain tackles the problem for him.
What some women do (when he does this) is freak out and go pester him. Do not venture into the cave ladies!
Do not ask: ‘‘What’s the matter?’’ or ‘‘Why aren’t you talking to me?’’. This only makes him go deeper into his cave, because he needs space.
The fact he needs space annoys the hell out of some women, but he does. Stay out of the cave and look after yourself. Right now, he needs man time. Given space, he’ll work out a strategy. Then he’ll come out and sort it, and may even talk to you about it.
Women, when faced with situation, need to discuss it. So fellas, when she has something on her mind, make her a cup of tea, get a packet of TimTams, sit on your hands and shut up!
Let her talk… and talk… and talk. Do not try and solve it for her, she’s a big girl, she can do it herself. Give encouraging nods and mutterings and let her get on with it. When she talks it through, the problem comes out. It sits in front of her and she solves it. You don’t have to do anything. Easy!
I know, huge generalisation and sometimes women have a cave (I know I do) and some men can talk the hind legs of a donkey … but there is still polarity.
Every man wants to feel needed and every women wants to be cherished.
So, let him work the problem out in his space and let her feel like she is listened to. Then let me know how you get on!