Polarity, pas­sion and per­spec­tive

Christchurch Mail - - DRAGON BOAT WORLD CHAMPS -

Polarity is a key in­gre­di­ent to a great re­la­tion­ship.

That’s a bold state­ment, I know, yet ev­ery healthy re­la­tion­ship has a male and a fe­male part to it.

One part­ner is more mas­cu­line whilst the other is more fem­i­nine. This is im­por­tant, be­cause con­trast cre­ates pas­sion.

These male-fe­male dy­nam­ics keep bal­ance in the re­la­tion­ship.

We need to re­spect that men and women have dif­fer­ent roles, dif­fer­ent think­ing and dif­fer­ent ways of deal­ing with things.

For ex­am­ple, most guys have a man cave and most women can talk a lot!

Men, when they have a prob­lem, go pon­der. Women, when they have a prob­lem, stay in it and keep go­ing un­til it is re­solved.

When work­ing with clients, I no­tice a lot of women do not un­der­stand the con­cept of the Man Cave.

‘‘Why doesn’t he talk to me and tell me how he feels?’’ (If I had a dol­lar for ev­ery time I heard that). And then the guys, are just baf­fled as to why she gets so an­gry and moody when he tells her how to sort her sit­u­a­tion out! Go fig­ure! When a fella has a prob­lem, a de­ci­sion or some dilemma, he has to walk away from it and re­flect. Phys­i­cally and men­tally he goes into his Man Cave. It may be the shed with a beer to tin­ker, it maybe mind­lessly scrolling through the screen in his hand. He does some­thing else while an­other part of his brain tack­les the prob­lem for him.

What some women do (when he does this) is freak out and go pester him. Do not ven­ture into the cave ladies!

Do not ask: ‘‘What’s the mat­ter?’’ or ‘‘Why aren’t you talk­ing to me?’’. This only makes him go deeper into his cave, be­cause he needs space.

The fact he needs space an­noys the hell out of some women, but he does. Stay out of the cave and look af­ter your­self. Right now, he needs man time. Given space, he’ll work out a strat­egy. Then he’ll come out and sort it, and may even talk to you about it.

Women, when faced with sit­u­a­tion, need to dis­cuss it. So fel­las, when she has some­thing on her mind, make her a cup of tea, get a packet of TimTams, sit on your hands and shut up!

Let her talk… and talk… and talk. Do not try and solve it for her, she’s a big girl, she can do it her­self. Give en­cour­ag­ing nods and mut­ter­ings and let her get on with it. When she talks it through, the prob­lem comes out. It sits in front of her and she solves it. You don’t have to do any­thing. Easy!

I know, huge gen­er­al­i­sa­tion and some­times women have a cave (I know I do) and some men can talk the hind legs of a don­key … but there is still polarity.

Ev­ery man wants to feel needed and ev­ery women wants to be cher­ished.

So, let him work the prob­lem out in his space and let her feel like she is lis­tened to. Then let me know how you get on!


Sa­hera Laing

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