‘A good time to have sex is when you feel safe’
My partner and I can’t resolve our problems, and we’re both becoming angry and resentful. How do I deal with it before it destroys our relationship?
AStart by making sure you know the cause of the problem. Many couples assume they both understand what the issue is, but they actually don’t. For example, you might think your partner’s recent inattentiveness is because he’s losing interest in you, when in fact it’s because of work-related stress. When resolving problems, make sure you consider all the options before choosing a solution. Ask your partner for ideas and listen to his concerns. It’s important that you work together. You need to have a sense of shared ownership in the process and shared responsibility for the outcome.
I’m afraid of birds, in particular their flapping wings. I can’t enjoy being outdoors with my family and friends and am almost housebound. What can I do?
ACognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) is a treatment used to treat phobias of all sorts of things, including spiders, snakes, and small animals like mice, rats and birds. CBT will help you confront your fears and replace unhelpful thinking with a more realistic view. With the help of a therapist, you’ll gradually be exposed to your fear and given relaxation techniques to use when your anxiety rises. Speak to your GP about getting a referral to a therapist who specialises in treating phobias.
For the first time in my life, I feel stuck. I’ve lost confidence. How do I get my life moving again?
AFeeling ‘stuck’ can stem from our own limiting thoughts. To get your life moving, start by turning off this negative self-talk by questioning your beliefs. For example, stop and ask, ‘Is it a fact that at 50 I can never find a partner or get a new and interesting job?’ If there isn’t any evidence for your belief, let it go and come back to being present in the moment. Take control of your life by developing a positive attitude. Put together a plan of action that includes lots of determination to make things happen.
CBT will help you to replace unhelpful thinking