Lit­tle and of­ten

Good - - HEART THROB -

Ges­tures of love don’t have to be grand, in fact, it’s the small, reg­u­lar acts that are paramount. De­spite their ap­par­ent or­di­nar­i­ness, they are the glue that binds us. They are also an in­vest­ment in our bank of good­will that ul­ti­mately al­lows our re­la­tion­ships to pros­per. Dr. John Gottman, who has spent 40 years study­ing cou­ples, ex­plains, “The se­cret to hap­pily-ever-af­ter is do­ing small things every day to show we care.”

He also ad­vises build­ing a “Love Map”, which traces the ge­og­ra­phy of our part­ner’s heart and de­tails the ter­rain of their in­ner world. It should in­clude their dreams, goals, hopes and fears, as well as all the tiny things about their life that help foster fa­mil­iar­ity and in­ti­macy. When our deeds of grat­i­tude are the type our part­ner most val­ues, their de­sir­able ef­fects mag­nify be­cause our loved ones feel un­der­stood. This is the ul­ti­mate in giv­ing and is the way to a ‘hap­pily-ever-af­ter’ qual­ity of love.

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