Choosing adventure or a lie-down
The north wind has decided to scream around to the front, making the boat lurch sideways. I’m clutching our dog and yelling at Dean to bring the bloody sails in.
He can’t hear me over the wind. I hate this. I hate sailing and I want to get off.
No, we’re not somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. We are two hours from Mana Island, crossing Cook Strait from Queen Charlotte Sound. I’ve done this trip a dozen times.
‘‘You’ve just sailed 7000 miles around the Pacific. You should be used to this now,’’ says Dean, out of frustration and worry for me.
‘‘I know,’’ I reply, with my head hung. I’m upset and feeling so very stupid.
He’s right. And until this week, the feeling of fear and failure has stopped me from even thinking about the idea of going on another sailing adventure.
I’ve also been getting annoyed at living on a boat – every time I put something down I have to move three things to make room, I’ve got two new bruises and I need some space.
But I now understand why I am going to plan the next sailing trip with Dean. In five years or so we plan to sail to Indonesia. Gulp.
Our ducks are in order: the boat has been scrubbed and things put away; I’ve settled into some interesting work and Dean is back teaching sailing; doggie has checked her weemails in her familiar spots and is happy. Our
Boat people ‘‘You’ve just sailed 7000 miles around the Pacific. You should be used to this now.’’
families are OK.
But I’m unsettled. Discovering nothing feels depressing to me. My world is just a tiny dot.
Soon I’ll be volunteering with the New Zealand Red Cross as a refugee support volunteer in Porirua.
I had my first training night recently and we listened to a former refugee, now a New Zealand citizen.
He said things about being about to finally resettle in a peaceful country. He was so beautifully and heartbreakingly open with us.
And, of course, he has much bigger fish to fry than me.
It’s going to be a huge thing for me to support a family after what they’ve already been through and what they are about to go through. But it’s an edge of life that I know means adventure for me.
The alternative is comfort and ease. Sounds boring and wasteful.
Some days all I want is a cup of tea and a lie-down, and I must do that often so I don’t get rundown.
But I’m going to stay with the conviction I had when we came back from our Pacific sailing adventure last year – that it’s time to stop thinking and get on with action.
There’s a new boat down the pier from us and its owners made a big change recently. They’ve moved from Chaffers Marina in Wellington. They’re scrubbing and nesting and getting to know their new hood.
They’ve committed to a daring life and adventure is a strong south-easterly away.
Dean on D’Urville Island in January – another adventure.