Fruit banned from hospital cafes
SATIRE: The Nelson Marlborough District Health Board is planning a widespread ban on all fruit in hospital cafes from next year because of their high sugar content.
High sugar fruits such as bananas, apples, grapes, pineapples and pears will be first on the scrap heap in January, with the rest to follow soon after.
Recent scientific studies have revealed that fruits are basically just watery bags of fructose, or naughty sugar, and should be purged from our diets.
The board has been on an antisugar crusade since early last year when it became the first health board in New Zealand to implement a sugar free drinks policy.
Sugar hater Dr Rob Beaglehole said type two diabetes, childhood obesity and tooth decay were among the risks of high sugar intake.
Fruit was the next logical step in the campaign, the dental officer said.
‘‘Fruit has often been referred to as ‘nature’s fast food’, and what an apt description because it’s not much better for you.
For years we have been telling our children ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away’, but really ‘an apple a day plugs your doctor’s pay’.’’
Family members would have to rethink their gift ideas when visiting loved ones when the ban was rolled out to all departments in March, Beaglehole said.
‘‘No more grapes for granny,’’ he said.
Patients would just have to get their five-a-day some other way.
The board would help by providing an alternative to apples and oranges with patient lunches.
They would have the option of a floret of broccoli or a bowl of cabbage with their midday sandwich, he said.
‘‘I think we’ll start seeing the health benefits straight away.’’
It would be the first time a health board in New Zealand had banned an entire food group.
‘‘Sure fruit is full of fibre, vitamins, minerals and antioxidants, but a single banana contains around 14 grams of sugar. Do you really want your loved ones exposed to that sort of danger?’’
The only fruit Beaglehole allowed his children to eat were lemons, he said. Marlburians, in particular, faced a constant sugar threat surrounded by fatinducing, teeth-destroying grapes, Beaglehole said.
‘‘You couldn’t pay me to move to Marlborough, it’s a sugary timebomb waiting to happen.’’ Beaglehole was hoping to have wine banned in the region by the end of 2017, he said.
‘‘It will be hard work but if we can get the right people on board I think we can make it happen.’’
Fruits are basically just watery bags of fructose, or naughty sugar.