I sigh with my little spy
‘‘Miss Five adores the game but for me it is right up there with watching grass grow, paint dry and pots that never boil.’’
I have spied with my little eye for almost an hour and am utterly, completely all I spied out.
In fact, at this point in time, I would rather poke my eyes out with a pointy stick than have to play for even one nanosecond longer.
Miss Five adores the game but for me it is right up there with watching grass grow, paint dry and pots that never boil.
Don’t get my wrong, I’m delighted that she is able to actually get the letters right. I have suffered years of I Spy something beginning with, for example, ‘‘D’’ only to discover said object does not in fact start with a ‘‘D’’ or any letter in the nearby vicinity.
No, what I do not enjoy is the soul destroying pretence that I don’t know what starts with a T when we are surrounded by trees and she has already picked trees 20 times previously.
Or then there’s my particular favourite of picking an object we passed 5km down the road and is now nowhere in sight now.
‘‘I spy with my little eye, some- thing beginning with announces Miss Five proudly.
No, it is not sky, steering wheel, stereo or sunroof. I won’t keep you in suspense. The something beginning with S is in fact a "squashed hedgehog!" S’’
Of course moment.
Miss Five cannot believe my stupidity and sits in her car seat smiling pityingly at her poor simpleton of a mother.
She is nothing if not magnani- it is. Facepalm mous and tells me I can have a go. Oh, joy.
I am briefly tempted to choose something tricky like homo sapien but, no, that would just be mean.
I cast my gaze wildly around, searching the landscape for something new.
The problem is we are driving down to Hanmer Springs and for the last 30km all we have seen are hills, grass, sky, trees and the occasional bedraggled sheep.
I am fast losing the will to sit up, let alone look out the window any longer.
‘‘This is the last time,’’ I tell her, for the fifth time. She nods but I’m not fooled.
‘‘I spy with my little eye, something beginning with ... beginning with ... S.’’
‘‘Sheep!’’ she screams. I shake my head. ‘‘Sky!’’ she shouts. Nope. Her brows furrows and she looks at me suspiciously. ‘‘Seat!’’ she tries. She’s almost right.
I was thinking seatbelt. I was also wondering about undoing it and escaping from the car in a Miami Vice- like move. I could just sit by the side of the road and rock gently until help arrives.
I Spy has its moments but it can also make an already long car journey feel like an eternity.