You can run, but you can’t hide
There is a Miss Five size lump behind the curtains that can probably be seen from space.
‘‘Where could she be?’’ I ask aloud as the lump giggles and the curtains shake. ‘‘I’ve looked everywhere and I just can’t find her!’’
This is the fifth time Miss Five has hidden behind said cur- tain and yet I am still wandering around the room in a painful parody of bewilderment searching for her. Even the cat is looking at me scathingly.
‘‘Is she under this cushion?’’ I wonder and the curtain wobbles even more. I recognise the signs and it’s time for Miss Five to make her grand entrance. ‘‘Surprise!’’ she shrieks as she leaps out laughing so hard at her own daring she’s almost doubled over in mirth.
I feign shock. However, after five times I’m not going to win an Oscar for my less than heart- felt performance.
I am sure if I lived in a mansion with 10 bedrooms, hide-andseek would be more fun but I don’t and it isn’t.
When it’s my turn to count I have to do so very, very slowly while pretending not to hear her thundering around the house. Stealthy she is not.
When it’s Miss Five’s turn to count she does so at the speed of sound. Given that I have nanoseconds to hide, she always finds me very quickly and now thinks she’s some kind of hideand-seek guru.
It has got to the point that she actually feels sorry for my ineptitude.
‘‘Poor mum,’’ she consoles me with a pitying smile on her face, patting me on the arm.
I may be the adult but I want to stamp my feet and shout ‘‘it’s not fair!’’
Bossily, she pushes me in the direction of the designated counting spot and I’m told to shut my eyes and start counting. Yes ma’am!
‘‘Last time,’’ I yell after as she scurries down the hall, no doubt heading to hide under her bed. ‘‘We’ll see,’’ she shouts back.
I lean my head against the wall and close my eyes, not to start count counting but in despair. Tomorrow we’ll play the ‘‘who can be the quietest the longest’’ game. It’s my favourite.
Staying hidden is the hardest part of hide-and-seek when you’re five-years-old