When the worm turns
Before she was born, I had visions of sharing the world with my delicate little flower; passing on little gems of knowledge and giving her the benefit of my experience.
I thought about us twirling around the garden together beaming in delight as we held hands in the sunshine as little birds watched and tweeted their joy. Miss Five and I were going to be best friends and she would dote on my every word.
Nowhere in this soft-focus Little House on the Prairie day dream did I envisage myself shrieking like a banshee while Miss Five rehomed drowning worms.
I admit it, I am not much of a gardener but I do try and make the effort so it looks nice(ish). Miss Five loves to garden. Or to be more precise, she loves to be in charge of watering the plants and digging things up.
In the summer months she takes great delight in waterboarding any poor plant that is brave enough to stick its head above soil, leaving it in a puddle of sludge, drooping and ready to surrender.
She then turns her attention to the soggy worms who come up to the surface gasping for air. ‘‘Ooohh, look, a worm!’’ she says in delight. The poor creature cannot even run away; having no legs is a bit of a problem when it comes to making an escape. ‘‘Don’t worry little worm, I’’ve got you,’’ she croons to the petrified invertebrate.
Picking it up by its head (or worse, I mean how do you tell?) she takes it round to the vege patch and lays it down carefully. She digs a hole with her fingers, and puts said worm in. ‘‘Sleep tight wormy,’’ she tells it before packing the soil back in with such force the poor worm would be writing its last will and testament - if it had arms.
‘‘Don’t do that,’’ I tell her,’’you’ll give it a headache.’’ Wiping her mud covered hands on whatever she is wearing she stands, hands on hips. ‘‘Worms don’t get headaches,’’ she informs me. ‘‘Why not?’’ I make the mistake of replying. ‘‘They don’t have heads silly!’’ There’s no arguing with that.
Nothing’s more fascinating to a green-fingered five-year-old than a wriggly worm (file photo).