01— If the Waterview tunnel’s finished, why is Simon Bridges still boring?
02— Did you walk through to get a preview of the speed you’ll be driving it at?
03— Who is this Myrtle Rust woman and why does everyone hate her so much?
04— With Mahia launching rockets, shouldn’t Raglan be working on a Large Hadron Collider or something?
05— Could the America’s Cup boat designers come up with something suitable for hosting ministerial meetings on the harbour?
06— With a carbon-fibre gangplank for Nicky Wagner?
07— On the bright side, has shooting herself in the foot improved her empathy for the disabled?
08— Never mind about the fake Tom Cruise, was that even the real Simon Barnett?
09— What do you mean he always sounds that fake?
10— Sick of Steve Hansen and Warren Gatland’s “mind games” yet?
11— Drone warfare?
12— Never mind the paternity issue, just looking that much like John Banks has got to hurt, doesn’t it?
13— Hoping Todd Barclay hasn’t tarnished the pristine reputation he’d built up as a tobacco lobbyist?
14— No one’s recording this, are they?
15— With Lorde taking inspiration from her personal life, isn’t it time you did something creative with your far more extensive history of heartbreak and benders?
16— Did Bill & Gerry get such a warm welcome on their Pacific tour because everyone thought they were an ice-cream company?
17— Couldn’t Gerry’s aloha shirts be recycled as festive yurts for the homeless?
18— It’s not fat-shaming if it’s a Cabinet minister from Christchurch called Gerry, right?
19— Anyone want to help dispose of all those Bluff oysters?