DAT­ING DIC­TIO­NARY

If you’re go­ing to date in a dig­i­tal world, you need to learn the lex­i­con. Here we break down the lan­guage of love

Miss FQ - - Real Talk -

It’s party sea­son, so let’s start with Gats­by­ing. F. Scott Fitzger­ald’s pro­tag­o­nist threw lav­ish soirées to show his un­re­quited love, Daisy Buchanan, what she was miss­ing out on. To­day, we just In­stas­tory up a storm and spend the whole party ob­ses­sively checking to see if our crush has watched. See also thirst trap: a provoca­tive ’gram (i.e. bikini shot) usu­ally posted un­der an in­no­cent guise (“Stay sun-smart ev­ery­one!”) but de­signed to elicit as many “Up to?” texts as pos­si­ble. It’s the in­verse of the spray and pray, which in­volves send­ing the same text or pic to mul­ti­ple prospects and then as­sess­ing one’s op­tions (usu­ally for the evening) based on what comes back. If you’re on the re­ceiv­ing end of this hook-up strat­egy, it usu­ally means you’re be­ing benched, which is to say some­one is in­ter­ested enough in you to keep you around, but at this stage you’re still just one of many.

You can ex­pect to see a lot of this game­play around draft­ing sea­son, the pre­cur­sor to cuff­ing sea­son, which sees sin­gles the world over at­tempt to lock down a guy or girl to keep warm with dur­ing the depths of win­ter. Don’t get too cosy — once the sun’s out, it’s time to un­cuff. If you’re dat­ing an ac­tual f***boi, this might take the form of ghost­ing, a scarier ver­sion of the slow fade where, rather than in­di­cat­ing wan­ing in­ter­est by leav­ing longer be­tween texts, a per­son sim­ply drops off the face of the Earth. The night­mare some­times con­tin­ues with haunting (when the ‘ghost’ starts watch­ing your sto­ries or lik­ing your ’grams again, but doesn’t make con­tact), or zombie-ing (when they come back from the dead, typ­i­cally with a “Hey! I had a ski­ing ac­ci­dent in the An­des and the hos­pi­tal Wifi was sketchy!”type text). Rough, but bet­ter than sub­marin­ing — when they go off the grid then resur­face with no ex­pla­na­tion, pick­ing up the con­ver­sa­tion like no time has passed.

This murky be­hav­iour some­times goes hand in hand with a deep like. Of­ten ac­ci­den­tal (cringe!), cer­tain psy­chopaths might de­lib­er­ately ‘like’ a post deep in your grid to send an un­set­tling mes­sage. If you sus­pect the lat­ter, do not get caught in this per­son’s dick­sand! Who cares that they’re hot as hell and have moves like Jag­ger? To be fed tiny scraps of at­ten­tion that never fully sat­isfy is clas­sic bread­crumb­ing, and you de­serve bet­ter than that.

You’re also too good to be stashed (hid­den from some­one’s friends and fam­ily) or to be used as some­one’s cush­ion (there to break the fall if/when the com­mit­ted re­la­tion­ship they’re in com­busts). The ideal? To segue a text­la­tion­ship into a sit­u­a­tion­ship, with some­one who won’t make you wait too long to DTR (de­fine the re­la­tion­ship). FBO (Face­book of­fi­cial) is the ul­ti­mate goal — good luck!

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