Gabe Atkin­son

New Zealand Listener - - CONTENTS - By Gabe Atkin­son

This week’s con­test in­vited read­ers to sub­mit ab­surd con­cepts for new smart­phone apps; we ex­pect calls from Sil­i­con Val­ley in­vestors at any mo­ment.

Anne Martin of He­lensville writes: Detta: Emits a warn­ing buzz when some­one you owe money to ap­proaches the area, then sug­gests es­cape routes to help you evade them.

Val Mer­ritt, Waimauku: Wif­fileak: Analy­ses your flat­u­lence and sug­gests di­etary ad­just­ments for op­ti­mum health.

Rex McGre­gor, Auck­land: Frooglest: Im­me­di­ately dis­ables your phone when­ever you try to buy some­thing on­line.

Bron­wen Gunn, Levin: Skyte: Pho­to­graphs ev­ery pur­chase you make and au­to­mat­i­cally sends the im­ages to every­one on your con­tacts list.

Prue Scott, Auck­land: MiPhone: Scans the phones of passers-by and when it de­tects an older model an­nounces: “My phone is newer than yours.”

Alan Beck, Dunedin: Demis­monde: A dat­ing app for se­niors, with pro­files voiced by Demi Moore (for men), or Demis Rous­sos (women).

Sophia Clark, Wa­haroa: Honker: Lets you know when there are no geese within 500m by let­ting out loud honks.

But Chris Green­wood of Motueka is the win­ner: Myf8: Sam­ples the user’s heart rhythm, brain­waves and bio­chem­i­cal em­a­na­tions. Based on these read­ings and prior med­i­cal his­tory, it is­sues an hourly fore­cast of time and date of death.

For the next com­pe­ti­tion, send us a four-line poem de­scrib­ing the habits and/or char­ac­ter­is­tics of the sea crea­ture of your choice. Any­thing that lives in, above, or be­side the ocean may be your sub­ject, and rhyming is op­tional. En­tries, for the prize be­low, close at noon on Thurs­day, Novem­ber 1.

Sub­mis­sions: wordsworth@lis­tener.co.nz or Wordsworth, NZ Lis­tener, Pri­vate Bag 92512, Welles­ley St, Auck­land 1141. Please in­clude your ad­dress. En­tries may be edited for sense or space rea­sons.

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