Foreign teams in a nutshell
01 WARATAHS
The perennial great hope of Australian rugby and with the odd exception, the perennial great disappointment, too. These guys are the equivalent of the Blues – the big city slickers who get caught up believing their own hype.
Call us crazy but we think this might be one of the odd years when they actually come good and play a bit of football. They have a backline with Bernard Foley, Kurtley Beale and Israel Folau so we do at least have reason to believe in them.
02 REBELS
Now we are going to sound plain crazy here but lo and behold we think the Rebels are going to be quite good. In fact we think they might be pushing to win the Australian Conference.
Have we been dropped on our heads to be thinking like this? Nah, the Rebels have recruited the best men from the Force and picked up Will Genia. So we have to go through a total mental change with the Rebels...once were crap are now not so crap.
03 REDS
They brought Quade Cooper back to be their saviour and now they have dumped him. Or rather new coach Brad Thorn has dumped him and by doing so, has ramped the pressure on himself and the rest of the squad to prove they can play without their star turn.
It was a big call by big Brad and we hope he knows what he’s doing. We are way too scared of him to suggest that he doesn’t.
04 BRUMBIES
David Pocock is back and no doubt that will mean the Brumbies will revert to using the driving maul as their key, or should that be only, attacking weapon.
The Brumbies have fast become the dullest team in the competition and maybe that should be no surprise as a Brumby is a bit of a dull animal – a free roaming feral horse? What do they do all day?
05 SUNWOLVES
Are trying to turn themselves into the Japanese national team in disguise. It might work for them but we think not. They have a rotten travel schedule and they don’t have the depth in their squad to handle it.
Will have a few good moments no doubt but the losses will mount.
06 BULLS
Even these guys must long for the days when they were deathly boring but hugely effective. Back in the day they had a huge pack and a first-five who was oblivious to anyone outside him as he was there to boot the ball.
Now they are a team with no defined style or obvious gameplan and hardly any recognisable players.
The only fun thing about them is wondering how long it will take new coach John Mitchell to end up in conflict with the players.
07 SHARKS
These guys are another fantastic disappointment. No one really knows what they are going to get from the Sharks one game to the next.
They do pick off a few big scalps each season and when they do, everyone starts talking them up. Goodness knows why because the last time they actually got on a roll was 2012.
08 STORMERS
Actually, it might be the Stormers who take out the title of biggest underachiever and disappointment.
It has reached the point where presumably it is not just us who doesn’t take them seriously any more? Oh yeah sure, they will chug along and probably make the last eight – just – but they will be there to make up the numbers to meekly fold under the first hint of pressure.
09 LIONS
We were a bit slow to realise how good these guys are. But we should really say were, because with Johan Ackermann having moved on as coach, the Lions may not be the same team in 2018. The good times may not be over as such, but certainly the Lions don’t appeal as much as they did.
They may also struggle a little now they don’t have such a super soft scoop conference.
10 JAGUARES
There’s plenty of good players in the squad and with Mario Ledesma having arrived, there is a good head coach there, too.
But alas, something isn’t right in Argentina and we suspect the promise of the Jaguares will remain unfulfilled.
Watch them score some good tries though.