Some­times a day is needed to re­set and al­low time and space to be­gin to be re­stored.

Parenting - - Family Matters -

The most im­por­tant thing on my list was look­ing af­ter six-mon­thold Hazel Mae for a cou­ple of hours while her mum was at the den­tist. I was com­mit­ted to that ap­point­ment. The rest though – the emails and the var­i­ous chores, were go­ing to have to wait. To­day needed to be a day of rest. I didn’t have time to take a day out to be sad or mad or what­ever I was – yet, on an­other level, I re­alised I didn’t have time not to. Gone was putting make-up on. Gone was re­stric­tive cloth­ing like a bra. I needed to sim­ply breathe. I de­cided to bud­get time to be sad and time to sort through my tan­gle of emo­tions.

I re­ally want to live whole­heart­edly. For me this looks like be­ing brave emo­tion­ally – whether the emo­tions are nice or not so nice. Be­ing brave also means go­ing into a dif­fi­cult dis­cus­sion pre­pared to ‘take a hit’ – aware that I may be mis­un­der­stood or that I may hear things that will hurt or in­vite me to feel an­gry or ashamed – and to know this won’t be the whole story – that I don’t have to jump to de­fence or jus­ti­fi­ca­tion. The words we say to each other are so of­ten spo­ken out of our own pain or dif­fi­cult past ex­pe­ri­ences – out of our own (wounded) hu­man­ity.

Tears flowed through­out the morn­ing – I felt them rise and then fall out. My lovely hus­band sat with me be­fore leav­ing for work and we chat­ted. It was good, and peace flowed. It was won­der­ful that he no­ticed and took time to be be­side me in my low ebb, won­der­ful that he could han­dle not be­ing able to ‘solve’ this

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