Re­mind her of the im­por­tance of telling the truth.

Some of Joy's tips

Parenting - - Time Out -

This must feel ex­tremely frus­trat­ing for you and I can hear that you need some new ideas fast. First thing – re­mem­ber that we can make telling the truth more de­sir­able and telling lies less at­trac­tive. Try to re­spond to Lucy’s lie calmly and in a fac­tual man­ner. If it is ob­vi­ous that she's hid­den toys in her bag but is deny­ing it, in a friendly but firm voice say, “I’m dis­ap­pointed you have toys in your school bag – they be­long here in your room.” Try hard to keep the emo­tion and dis­ap­point­ment out of your voice.

Re­mind her of the im­por­tance of telling the truth. “Honey, it is im­por­tant you tell Mummy the truth so I can help you solve the prob­lem." Re­sist the temp­ta­tion to ask her ques­tions that you al­ready know the an­swer to. Most of us hate be­ing in­ter­ro­gated and it’s very dif­fi­cult for a child to an­swer ‘why’ they did some­thing. Let her know that you ap­pre­ci­ate that it was hard for her to tell the truth.

Ac­knowl­edge her feel­ings so that she feels your sup­port, not your anger. “I see that you re­ally wanted to take your toy to school to­day. The school has said that toys need to stay home and they’ll be wait­ing for you to play with at home time."

The idea is to treat our chil­dren with dig­nity and as we hope they will be­come. She is a bright young lady who loves to read and write. These are the qual­i­ties in her you need to af­firm. It’s im­por­tant to stop think­ing of her as ‘some­one who lies’. When we speak well of our chil­dren, they of­ten rise to the ex­pec­ta­tion we have of them.

Most im­por­tantly, we need to ask, “What’s re­ally go­ing on?” Of­ten there is an un­der­ly­ing anx­i­ety or need a child may not be able to ar­tic­u­late or ex­press. Find the time of day your daugh­ter is most re­cep­tive to you – maybe at bed­time or af­ter­noon tea time. Per­haps even a mummy date to a café for a hot choco­late. Sim­ply lis­ten and en­cour­age her – let her do most of the talk­ing. You may just find her telling you the ‘why’ be­hind what’s hap­pen­ing!

Let her know your dreams for her – how you would like her to de­velop her skills and have many, var­ied ex­pe­ri­ences. This can help chil­dren un­der­stand why you are be­ing firm.

fam­ily coach

ARosie Kennedy shares some thoughts from her grand­par­ent­ing trea­sure chest.

s a blended fam­ily, we have been blessed with a large ex­tended fam­ily, and 12 gor­geous grand­kids. The old­est is 16 and the youngest will be two in December. My hus­band, Japee, and I are thrilled to be grand­par­ents and I love that we get to work as a team.

Our grand­chil­dren are our most pre­cious jew­els - life's great­est gift, our wealth. They are al­ways teach­ing me new things and bring out my play­ful side. Laugh­ter is never as sweet or joy­ous as it is when shared with them. The thing that has sur­prised me most about be­ing a grand­par­ent is the un­con­di­tional love I feel for each of my grand­chil­dren the mo­ment I set eyes on them. I am so grate­ful they have cho­sen to be in our world. They al­low me to laugh at my­self and to live in the mo­ment, and it’s amaz­ing to be loved by them in re­turn.

My time with them in­volves lots of play. We dance, cook, play, cud­dle, tell sto­ries and spend time en­joy­ing the out­doors - whether beach or bush, farm or gar­den - and we love cook­ing marsh­mal­lows over a fire. It’s fun teach­ing them games and tra­di­tions that have been passed down through the gen­er­a­tions, as well as cre­at­ing new ones to­gether.

Hav­ing a very large fam­ily cre­ates chaos at times - es­pe­cially when we all get to­gether - but out of this chaos comes mag­i­cal times. Our fam­ily gath­er­ings are my favourite times of the year. Christ­mas is es­pe­cially fun with egg and spoon re­lays, sack races, and the hi­lar­ity and ex­cite­ment of gift-giv­ing. The kids all make a hut in the old po­hutakawa trunk on the beach and laugh with de­light as our dar­ling and crazy Japee dances with them and chases them around.

Our chil­dren are our way for­ward - they are our fu­ture, and how we shape them is how in turn they will shape their worlds. My de­sire for our grand­kids is that they will look back on their child­hoods and know that they were deeply, thor­oughly loved.

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