Remind her of the importance of telling the truth.
Some of Joy's tips
This must feel extremely frustrating for you and I can hear that you need some new ideas fast. First thing – remember that we can make telling the truth more desirable and telling lies less attractive. Try to respond to Lucy’s lie calmly and in a factual manner. If it is obvious that she's hidden toys in her bag but is denying it, in a friendly but firm voice say, “I’m disappointed you have toys in your school bag – they belong here in your room.” Try hard to keep the emotion and disappointment out of your voice.
Remind her of the importance of telling the truth. “Honey, it is important you tell Mummy the truth so I can help you solve the problem." Resist the temptation to ask her questions that you already know the answer to. Most of us hate being interrogated and it’s very difficult for a child to answer ‘why’ they did something. Let her know that you appreciate that it was hard for her to tell the truth.
Acknowledge her feelings so that she feels your support, not your anger. “I see that you really wanted to take your toy to school today. The school has said that toys need to stay home and they’ll be waiting for you to play with at home time."
The idea is to treat our children with dignity and as we hope they will become. She is a bright young lady who loves to read and write. These are the qualities in her you need to affirm. It’s important to stop thinking of her as ‘someone who lies’. When we speak well of our children, they often rise to the expectation we have of them.
Most importantly, we need to ask, “What’s really going on?” Often there is an underlying anxiety or need a child may not be able to articulate or express. Find the time of day your daughter is most receptive to you – maybe at bedtime or afternoon tea time. Perhaps even a mummy date to a café for a hot chocolate. Simply listen and encourage her – let her do most of the talking. You may just find her telling you the ‘why’ behind what’s happening!
Let her know your dreams for her – how you would like her to develop her skills and have many, varied experiences. This can help children understand why you are being firm.
ARosie Kennedy shares some thoughts from her grandparenting treasure chest.
s a blended family, we have been blessed with a large extended family, and 12 gorgeous grandkids. The oldest is 16 and the youngest will be two in December. My husband, Japee, and I are thrilled to be grandparents and I love that we get to work as a team.
Our grandchildren are our most precious jewels - life's greatest gift, our wealth. They are always teaching me new things and bring out my playful side. Laughter is never as sweet or joyous as it is when shared with them. The thing that has surprised me most about being a grandparent is the unconditional love I feel for each of my grandchildren the moment I set eyes on them. I am so grateful they have chosen to be in our world. They allow me to laugh at myself and to live in the moment, and it’s amazing to be loved by them in return.
My time with them involves lots of play. We dance, cook, play, cuddle, tell stories and spend time enjoying the outdoors - whether beach or bush, farm or garden - and we love cooking marshmallows over a fire. It’s fun teaching them games and traditions that have been passed down through the generations, as well as creating new ones together.
Having a very large family creates chaos at times - especially when we all get together - but out of this chaos comes magical times. Our family gatherings are my favourite times of the year. Christmas is especially fun with egg and spoon relays, sack races, and the hilarity and excitement of gift-giving. The kids all make a hut in the old pohutakawa trunk on the beach and laugh with delight as our darling and crazy Japee dances with them and chases them around.
Our children are our way forward - they are our future, and how we shape them is how in turn they will shape their worlds. My desire for our grandkids is that they will look back on their childhoods and know that they were deeply, thoroughly loved.