Super Gran was once a lousy mum
she’s likely to tell it as she remembers it. You need to be sure you want all this if you decide to continue.
You’re the parent now and by the sounds of it, you and your husband are doing a good job. But there’s no guarantees that your girls will stay bright and wonderful so you need to try to maintain their harmonious environment.
You’ll inevitably take your eye off the parenting ball if you begin to tackle your mother. If distraction and a sense of chaos were the factors that pushed you off the rails then by pursuing a confrontation, you could be inviting those same factors back into your daughters’ lives. You might intend your discussion to be private and confined to the adults involved, but children have acute antennae when it comes to tension and disharmony. The ripples that spread as you try to extract this apology may not be worth it.
Your mother has had her turn and in your opinion, she stuffed up. No matter what she says about the past, you can be sure she’ll be watching you and privately comparing your efforts with her own. For various reasons, some people are incapable of apologising. Maybe being Super Gran to the girls who adore her, is the best apology she’s capable of.
She loves her grandkids but her own children were her last priority.